This is 2022. Maybe it is time to accept the fact that women work … i.e. outside the confines of their homes.

A woman trying to survive in the Pakistani society, I have a husband who wants to be the man of the house. The moment I try to contribute to the household expenses, his male ego gets impacted. He is anxious, feels stressed and burdened as the sole breadwinner, fraught with the responsibility of paying all the bills. However, the stress increased a bit when I began earning as well.

Social conventions and traditional gender roles dictate most of what happens in our daily lives. I believe it is this that is behind most of our physiological disorders like high blood pressure, binge eating and abnormal sleep patterns, as well as mental, emotional and social problems. I understand that for many men it could be more of an obligation; for women (especially those who come from privileged backgrounds), it is still considered more of a choice. Sometimes I feel sad for them. We are all stuck in a society riddled with unhelpful stereotypes.

That said, let me add that it goes both ways. While men like to have a Friday night out with the boys at a dhaba – the purpose of which is to escape the household shenanigans ‘for a bit’ – women also sometimes need the same – a gals’ night out, to try to deal with their anger and frustration. Why do men feel so upset looking after the children for an evening?

Social conventions and traditional gender roles dictate most of what happens in our daily lives. I believe it is this that is behind most of our physiological disorders.

Many a time, we tell ourselves that we’ll take some time off ‘after the holidays’, ‘once their birthday party is over’, ‘next year’, ‘in the morning’, but the deadlines roll by without us ever taking a well-deserved break. That is exactly why men sometimes find Lego parts scattered on the floor when they come home late from work because we took some time off from our ‘mom duties’; because we knew we never otherwise would. That is why there are dirty dishes waiting for the next morning. That is why the bed is still undone. Because we felt tired after a long, exhausting day at work with kids to feed, clean and read to.

Sometimes, women too wish to have the luxury of being non-commital. Every woman is different. Not every woman is looking for a commitment; some may even find it scary. Not every woman can deal with the responsibility of someone else’s happiness being dependent on her. It is overwhelming and things get heavy. Relationships can be painful and emotionally draining, although we do cherish them.

I and my husband fight (a lot). We differ, we dispute, we make mistakes and we eat cold inedible pizzas to get over it. Sometimes - in fact, most of the time - I find that many familial relationships are unpleasant and I don’t feel like dealing with them. We are all desperately trying through life. At times, I feel like giving up and throwing it all away. But I know I must not. I know we don’t have to.

We, the human beings are weary of the finality of saying it’s over. But like a well-built bridge in a hurricane, we also want to be utterly confident that we can withstand anything that will come our way. While men are notorious for ‘running away from commitment’, women are often the ones who are courageous enough to decide that someone isn’t the one for them – fearless enough to end things when things have not been okay for long.

The writer is a freelance journalist based in Karachi