February 14 is the time of the year when public places — malls, restaurants, shops, parks etc — are all decorated in red, with love hearts and Cupid’s arrows seen everywhere.

Some of my compatriots consider it a sign of progress. They believe that it’s a step forward in ridding the country of certain age-old practices, toxic cultural norms and most importantly gender inequality. However, I fail to understand its correlation with the last mentioned.

If calendars are marked only to celebrate the kind of love we’ve seen in movies, then it would only benefit directors and producers. Love — as seen across media — is no different to infatuation. When someone says, “at first sight,” it further loses its meaning, wisdom and rationality.

Also, it’s so mechanical in nature that only one type of hero and one type of heroine are common across movies and plays worldwide. The male lead has to be a financially and emotionally strong person. The female lead has to be the exact opposite for love to happen between them. If the emotion is said to be so natural, why does it operate on such pre-conditions? Why does it not respect difference, or if it does, why do such (love) stories never make it to the big screen?

I recently saw a recorded clip of a stand-up comedy show featuring some women comedians from Islamabad criticising the desi culture. They were constantly targetting some middle-aged people in the audience who might have been the victim of arranged marriages. Love marriages are often associated with empowerment and liberation for women, but in our society, this might not be the case. Though the rishta culture has tremendously changed over time, and dating has become a normal practice, the status of women has not changed a bit. The change has only led to men enjoying more privileges either way. The relatively old tea-trolley culture demanded girls to look presentable to the boy’s mother. The new normal requires her to appear pleasing to the prospective candidates she may find around her, either at workplace or university. The responsibility to win hearts lies on her shoulders in both the cases.

The standards against which a woman is judged have not changed much. She has to have a beautiful face and a subservient attitude, no intention to grow professionally and one or more weaknesses that can serve as an ego-booster for the men willing to take her up.

Standards set for men are very healthy and lead to growth - professional, emotional and financial. On the other hand, women are encouraged to grow backwards. What type of love is it that allows only one party to grow? They fail to realise that ‘that love’ might drive them in a luxury car whereas true love may encourage them to learn driving and take control. Women often suffer all their life under behaviour norms glorified as care and (over)protection.

TV and films have played a huge role in defining love for the masses, but the definition is problematic. How can a ‘fancy car’ love a ‘pretty face’ unconditionally? Isn’t it based more on need and performed mostly as duty? A lot of men and women love for duty and then they are said to have married for love, not duty.

The media can now take corrective action because it has the power. Last February, BBC Urdu came up with one such video which defined the concept of love as less of a teenage crush and more of compromise and sacrifice made willingly and without any imposition. It featured Mithu, a rickshaw driver from Multan, and his wife, Mithi, who suffers from serious mental disorder after nine abortions. That short video clip is a portrayal of love that demands loyalty and sincerity even when the beloved is not at their best. In a country where most men would leave such a woman alone, that financially struggling old man makes sure he keeps her happy and stays by her side. Instead, instances like the University of Lahore incident are highlighted on this day where a woman put her self-respect at stake and got expelled. The love faded away two months after she had very openly expressed it.

The concept of love needs to be redefined because pretty red artwork everywhere is what we see on the surface. It only lasts a day.

The writer has taught at the NCA, the FAST and the PU, and currently teaches writing, communication and linguistics at the FCCU. She can be reached at maheenzia03@gmail.com