If we are all completely honest with ourselves, selfcare has started to look like a lot of work, and all logic points to that completely defeating the purpose of selfcare.

For some of us, lighting a candle, while we do a mask and drink Yogi Stress Relief Tea, is literally a Wednesday night, because you gotta un-gunk your face at least twice a week, the candle is for eliminating bathroom odours, and the tea is just good sense.

Here’s what we propose: don’t put so much elbow grease into selfcare. You don’t have to go to the salon and spend money, or go have a special lunch for one - because why get out of your comfy PJs? - and you don’t have to watch, read, or listen to anything that makes you laugh.

The secret here is: True selfcare is when you just don’t care.*

Forgive no one

A lot is made of being kind and forgiving, and bearing things with a smile and look where that’s got us. All of us live with the daily stress of having to be kind to utter doucheburgers, whose knives are still living in our backs somewhere. It’s okay to be angry at people, not like them, or cut them out of your life if all they have done or do is cause pain and inconvenience (insert shrug emoji).

Don’t care if they don’t like it

Whether it’s your job, lifestyle, partner, weight, sense of humour, decisions, or even (insert puke emoji) your French tips, who cares if someone doesn’t agree it’s awesome? Not you, you King Or Queen of Self Assurance!

Do something to feed your soul

Paint, write a goth anthem, meditate, make an altar to honour the new moon, watch classic cinema and stay away from Darren Aronofsky films at all costs.

Feed your tummy

We don’t know your life, but really, a hot Margherita or fried chicken are the cheapest – and quickest - ways to lift your mood.

Live, laugh, love

Watch, scream, then laugh

There’s a lot of research on why the horror genre is popular and why it can, or cannot be detrimental to your health, but we say throw caution to the wind and watch yourself a horror cult classic today. If B-horror is good enough for Sir Peter Jackson, it’s good enough for us!

Unless you are prone to being severely frightened or paranoid, the comedown from horror-induced stressed releases dopamine and serotonin in your brain, which will make you happy, and laugh, if you are so inclined.

Illustration by Hira Zubairi @madebymoo_pk

* This in no way is meant to imply you should neglect your responsibilities and health. Make and keep all appointments, please.