All in the family

I belong to a Rajput family. Our elders are very particular when it comes to marrying their children off. Not only does my family look for options within the same caste, it is also keen to ensure that the prospective family belongs to the same goth in India from which our family migrated. My rishta story started the day I had a huge quarrel at work. Unbeknown to me, I was the subject of gossip in a work-related WhatsApp group. That was the first time he heard about me – we were colleagues but had not known each other. He proposed shortly afterwards. I told him about my family’s complicated selection process. Lo and behold, not only did he belong to the same caste, he turned out to be a relative hailing from the same village. Rishta pukka in a matter of two months. Had it not been for that heated argument at work, we wouldn’t have been married today. — M*, 30, Lahore

Separated by a border

I wasn’t really finding a partner when I did in 2012. I was made to believe that I wouldn’t find a suitable match if I didn’t make myself available at social events. Little did I know my special someone would be across the border.

He found me through my writings about Indo-Pak peace and connected with me on Facebook. After a few months of discussing politics, culture, religion and family, he proposed through an email. I responded with 14 points as to why I should not marry a man from India, some of my concerns being visa and security issues, and how this would generally work given I was a journalist in Pakistan. We continued talking but he never brought up the topic again.

Months later, he replied to the email addressing each of my concern.

Our families agreed. He moved to Dubai and I was asked to visit the city to find a job, and also to explore how such marriages work there. Our parents came to the UAE. In October 2015, we got married in a church in Dubai with some 20 guests. Later, in December, we had a reception in Karachi for our extended family.

Even though all the information I then had felt so scattered, there are no two ways about something that’s meant to be.

— Desiree, 36, Dubai

For the love of books

It was a union written in the books. In 2018, I joined the Sydney chapter of an online Pakistani book club, which he was already an active member of. We found common interest in sociology, philosophy, theology and world politics, and soon realised that we agreed on most aspects of society and politics. As an Afghan, he made an aptly brilliant audience for my findings on the Afghan war and world media – my PhD research topic at the time. Additionally, as single parents we shared tips on parenting young children. Our kids brought us even closer over time as we extended our monthly reading club routine to our children as well.

In 2020, he proposed to me on my birthday and we got married last year with the blessing of our three kids.”

— Ayesha, 36, Sydney

Come rain or shine

I started interacting with him on Twitter when I decided to follow him on the platform after he met a mutual friend. She wanted to ship us but I felt that the difference of beliefs wouldn’t let that happen, especially as I adhere strictly to my beliefs and wouldn’t want to enforce them on anyone, as I would not approve of the same being done to me.

However, we would often interact on Twitter.

He also lived in another city, which meant that even if I did compromise on one aspect, the reality of the long distance would be painfully relevant. Then, after a few months, we met when I went visiting several cities. Our meeting was very nice. He was kind enough to take me to a few places. I thought we would stop talking once I’d return home but that did not happen. Rather I grew close to him, finally asking him out after almost a month of texting over various social media apps.

After many years of long distance, in which we saw two waves of the pandemic and me living in another continent, we got married last year despite the differences. We are trying our best to make it work. When some days seem absolutely impossible, we remind ourselves of being there for each other, come rain or shine.

— N*, 29

*Names have been changed to protect identity