Dear Dr Kamal, I hope you’re doing very well there. I’m writing to you knowing full well that this can never get a response. But this is about all the things left unsaid — of gratitude, appreciation and thankfulness.

Having known you as a chairperson, I only came to you when it was needed, but I wish I could say all this to you before you left for your eternal abode.

The day I walked into FC College’s E-block for a job interview, I didn’t realise that you could not see. Later, I could very well understand that you had the ability to see more deeply than most — through words and conversations — and beyond the surface.

I wish I could tell you that throughout my career you were a ray of hope and one of the reasons why I think that FCC’s English Department has been the best workplace for me so far. I wish I could tell you this.

I cannot forget how you would say “sorry” for only being a minute late to a meeting. How you always said “first class” whenever I asked how you were doing. You even said the same a week before you contracted this ailment that took you away from us all.

I wish I could tell you how glad I was when you valued and appreciated my suggestions for the upcoming PhD programme when I never even had a publication, let alone a doctoral degree. How you always made everyone feel valued and understood, and how this helped create a culture of mutual respect despite one’s position. I wish I could tell you that though you aren’t here, this practice of showing respect has evolved into a culture that promises to stay here forever.

The day I walked into the FC College’s E-block for a job interview, I didn’t realise that you could not see. Later I could very well understand that you had the ability to see more deeply than most — through words and conversations — and beyond the surface. 

I remember how I’d always question you on the annual evaluation points like a crazy student who demanded 10/10 when awarded 9.5, but you never seemed to get angry. I wish I could tell you how this helped me become a teacher who never minds silly questions from the students’ side.

I wish I could tell you that my father was battling Covid at home when you had tested positive. And every time I prayed for his health, I said a prayer for you too, as not just me, but all of us sitting here regarded you as a father-figure.

I wish I could tell you how relieved I felt when a no-show student got me into trouble, and you said, “Maheen, I trust you and will side with you no matter where he takes his case.” I never knew it was my last meeting with you.

I wish I could tell you that every time I had a conversation with you, I would get one step ahead in being more forgiving of others’ mistakes, being calmer despite the challenges; and more respectful, more understanding, and more compassionate. I wish I could tell you how, without even saying a word, you clearly told me that kindness is the only common language that everyone understands; how one could just be kind and things would fall into place.

Dear Dr Kamal, I really wish I could say all this to you.

The writer has taught at the NCA, the FAST and the PU, and currently teaches writing, communication and linguistics at the FCCU. She can be reached at maheenzia03@gmail.com