During the times of the Qaum e Youth, the sphere of the Caliphate was expanding rapidly. On one side the intrepid Arab warriors reached the Atlantic and on the other, fought the battle of Talas in Central Asia. That is how the use of paper was acquired from China and it is shuffled even now in the Command and Ops Centre in Kashmir and Pakistan, (COCKAP).

In those days, the Governor of Basra was Hajjaj bin Yusuf. He was known for his iron fist and ensured peace, by exterminating many miscreants whose cases are being dealt with, by the Supreme Court.

At the time, the ruler of Sind was a brutal Stanford graduate named Raja Dahir. His pirates were active in the Arabian Sea, using benami accounts. Once, a convoy of ships was taking PPE from Ceylon to Basra when it was looted by his mercenaries and the merchandise distributed among the frontline without general sales tax. A damsel on board, called Firdausfi Love, cried in code, “Oye Hajjaj, William johnny delta, hafizabad, help”. On this, Hajjaj sent an army under the command of his nephew, Murad bin Saeed al Saqfi.

This dashing young commander had already proved his mettle in the battlefield by biting in the leg of Abid Sherara, the notorious fire worshipper and by head-butting Javaid Latté Fi, in the Battle of the Cafeteria. This battle was, in the end, decided through arbitration, on favourable terms to the faithful.

The hapless Raja was surrounded on all sides by the forces of the Caliphate. He took to the fastness of Bahria Town, fortified the ramparts and dug a moat around the Circular Railway. Eventually, the giant catapults arrived by sea and were arrayed in battle formation outside the castle. It was pure shock and awe. The use of overwhelming force, heretofore unparalleled in history, was a spectacle to watch.

The dauntless general, Muneeb al Rehman al Tamimi, approached stealthily under the cover of the Juma break, backed by the army of Wifaqul Madaris al Arabia. He used his moon sighting telescope to find an opportune moment. This had been brought in, on a camel train along the coast of Makran, dodging the raids of the savage tribes who were not on the same page. Once he fired the catapult, the whole sky, the sea and the social media lit up with an almighty explosion and the scheming Raja and the despised 18^th Amendment were cast into oblivion.

The only unfortunate casualty of war on the side of the faithful was Najeeb Haroon, the genteel soldier-statesman who took his own life by eating the Party Manifesto. May the Providence give him the highest place in the hereafter and may his heirs and successors prosper in the Construction Relief Package with no questions asked.

Historical evidence is a bit unclear about the fate of Murad bin Saeed. Baladhuri writes that he was seduced by an undercover Nooni agent, who told him that he could get a degree in environmental sciences in one hour if he gave in to her charms. When Hajjaj came to know of it, he had him brought back to Basra, rolled up in a carpet.

He survived because the High Court gave him a stay and a spray to de-foam his mouth with an order that the latter should be kept shut.

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