Dear viewers,

Welcome from your host, Princess Layyah, and the co-host, Youth Skywalker.

In today’s programme, we shall teach you, how to cook a government.

Please accept salam from Rawalpindi SUPARCO and from celebrity chefs who join us live from the NASA Department of Wholesome Cooking and from Blackwater Dishes Worldwide.

You will have watched our last programme about chapli kabab which has been very well received. We hope you will like this one as well.

To cook up a credible government, you will need the following ingredients:

One prime minister, broiler or desi.

One teaspoonful of garam masala, (FakAp brand).

One tsf of salt to ensure loyalty.

A whiff of scandal which is popular with our female viewers.

We recommend that you source your leader carefully. We have had good experience with the World Bank Poultry Farms. There may be a bit of an issue with the FDA certificate for fitness to consume. This document is called NIC and can easily be printed with the help of the AxactNationalUniversity, who are on the same page. For a quick refresher, you can see the recipe in our previous programmes, Moeen Qureshi Filet Mignon and Shaukat Aziz Southern Chicken.

Another good source for healthy pheasants is the Sussex County Free Range Farm. They work in close collaboration with the Goldsmith Inc. who enjoy a good reputation for animal welfare. They have transferred large quantities of bird feed to Pakistan, with a transparent money trail for small and medium poultry enterprises.

The condiments can make or break the main course and need to be carefully sourced; preferably ordered directly from the South Punjab Agriculture Department and ground slowly for the best flavour. The Department is known for introducing novel varieties of seed grains, as well as its animal husbandry. Their well fed animals have become the pride of upscale kitchens in Lahore.

The pheasant will need to be marinated and left overnight. However, for best results, we recommend that it is left for twenty two years and only cooked when the last sinew, specially the moral fibre, has softened and the meat has become tender and succulent. Please examine carefully for any streaks of independence. If you see any, it would be dangerous to consume, and you should immediately discard and inform the Municipal NAB Office. A Dolphin Squad will arrive with the speed of light.

Once you have the PM marinated and ready, put it into the oven. Let it simmer on low heat for a few months till it is ready to serve. Please keep your windows and options open.

We know there are other birds being fattened for the festive season. Some ugly ducklings are turning into juicy swans. We know that pâtéde foie shahbaz is on the menu cards. This will be presented to tickle the gourmet taste buds when the time is ripe. For the moment, we would like you to socially isolate yourself, see no evil, hear no evil and have no fear.

Send an e-mail to hakimhazik@gmail.com