The news is circulating widely that an old woman has been found who has been in living in a shoe. According to our correspondent, a seventy two years old female was reported by her neighbours, in a state of self-neglect and poor health. It is unclear how she ended up in this situation although there is much speculation that it may be a false flag operation. As stated by the Foreign Minister, if this allegation is true, it is adventurism of the worst kind, for a region which on a hair trigger. This behaviour is to be condemned among nations who are armed with nuclear weapons. The UN Security Council and the State Department have been duly informed.

One version of the events, by a local resident of long standing, is that the lady has had many children over the years. They were given minimal nutrition and were not allowed to play with other kids on the street. They were also administered regular physical chastisement, were asked to come home and were put to bed early to avoid bad influences.

Gradually, those estranged kids who survived this stifling childhood have moved away to make their own way in the world, leaving this senior citizen helpless in her decrepitude.

This has come to light due to the diligent and untiring efforts of the Federal Minister who has been scouring the land for people living in indigent circumstances in deprived communities. He has assured the nation that the said old women will be moved to a bigger and better shoe and ensured provision of much better nutrition, as soon as the wheat flour crisis is over. The crisis is wholly man made and has been created by the enemies of accountability and Sufism. The Government has expressed its resolve that the accountability drive will not stop and Sufism will now be taught in universities, along with other established sciences such as water divination, Kama Sutra and power generation from demons.

The country is making great strides towards achieving self-sufficiency in fairy tales.

The International Shoemakers Inc. the manufacturers of the shoe, have come forward in support of the Federal Minister and asserted that their shoes are compatible with the international standards and the millennial development goals. Millions of old men and women have lived happily in these shoes in peaceful and well nourished retirement without ever complaining. They also add that time has run out for people who prefer Peshawari Chappals over modern footwear. There is strong surveillance evidence that they receive cash and poisonous ideas from the Jalalabad consulate and want to take the nation back to an age of Qainchi Chappal and watwani, whereas the world has moved on to an era of JF Thunder and toilet roll.

In a simple but elegant ceremony at the Prime Minister’s house, a number 10 shoe was applied to the back end of the said minister. This created much good cheer and bonhomie and added to the ambience of this convivial occasion.

The country is making great strides towards achieving self-sufficiency in fairy tales. All the embassies and high commissions have been directed to explore new markets for hand crafted traditional fables and bespoke positive news as well as a number of fictional items in our imaginary warehouses ready for delivery.

Pakistan is open for business.

Send Hakim Hazik an email: hakimhazik@gmail.com