A video is a video and footage is footage and never the twain shall meet. Citizen Praise-the-Lord is a God fearing, law abiding, gentle soul minding his own business who would never hurt a fly. He sews skull caps for the worshippers to make ends meet. He is given to a frugal lifestyle and shuns the newfangled, impious inventions, such as WhatsApp.

Citizen Citizen is a man of deep vision and insight who can count the feathers of a bird, in flight, without the help of the Moon Sighting Committee or the Minister of Science and Technology. He has developed a scientific method to differentiate a video from a footage and has it patented with the Nobel Academy. Pakistanis of all hues and colours look forward to the third Nobel coming to their country so that they can heap appropriate insults on it and ostracise the winner.

The Force is very knowledgeable and beneficent in its intent. It can see inside the car boots and discover even micro-grammes of pharmaceuticals, especially those meant for recreational purposes. It is well versed in the ancient technologies where water would turn into wine and the modern ones where wine would turn into honey; and honey into a honeytrap, as it did with the beloved Chairman, may Allah strengthen his Bureau.

Citizen PTL claims that he was en route to a Sufi festival in his zero rated bullock cart which is duly registered with the Election Commission of Pakistan, Federal Board Revenue, International Monetary Fund and the Pakistan Cricket Board, when the Force swooped down on him and impounded the aforementioned bullock cart. He denies any interest in pharmaceuticals except for the homemade, carbon-neutral and environmentally sustainable butter with which he nourishes his humble moustache.

The engine of the economy is thrumming. The cows are fed and ready to fly. They share the national resolve to produce more butter and balance the current account deficit, inshallah.

Citizen Citizen, butter would not melt in his mouth, says that said bullock cart was made up of smuggled gold and the said bullock was a RAW agent. The whole episode was a part of the fifth generation (hybrid) warfare, meant to bring down the country and the BRT. The proceedings were carefully recorded on video which was stored in a secure vault guarded by the Strategic Plans Division.

Next morning, he continues, as he opened the vault, to his surprise, nay amazement, the video had turned into footage. At the same time, the gold had turned into Fauji Cornflakes and the bullock had turned into the minister of S&T. The multitudes who saw the miraculous transformation, were mesmerised and fell to the ground shouting cries of hosanna. He adds that the proceedings will be presented in due course to the court of law, to Horam Sultan and to Hollywood, in that order. The rights of production have already been sold to the famous company, Modern Fables Inc, the makers of the Game of Thrones. It is therefore not without reason that Pakistan has been declared the number one tourist destination of the world.

The engine of the economy is thrumming. The cows are fed and ready to fly. They share the national resolve to produce more butter and balance the current account deficit, inshallah.

May the Force be with you.