Ever got stuck in traffic in the city? One big rush to pass through the underpass -- one big dream to fly over it all perhaps into the sunset. This is all because we are always short of time.

We have been facing this ‘shortage’ for a very long time now. This is the main reason why we are still stuck with laws (and offences under those laws) that are no longer relevant to our society’s present position and condition. Take, for instance, theft. It used to be quite common in our colonial period. Now one hardly ever sees it, feels it, or feels the need to report it. In any case, there is hardly a need to have tonnes of tomes telling us things that hardly matter.

This is not about theft of heart (proverbially) or kidneys (literally) -- all that is treacherous business that may have unhealthy consequences for all concerned. Therefore, socially responsible as they are, our politicians never steal hearts and usually pay for kidneys. The current piece, however, is not about politicians. It’s about theft.

In 1860, theft was defined by our previous colonialists, in the then Indian Penal Code, as: "Whoever, intending to take dishonestly movable property out of the possession of any person without that person’s consent, moves that property in order to such taking is said to commit theft."

By the way, this is still the valid definition of theft under the current Pakistan Penal Code.

Let’s dissect the beast to see what lies beneath all that legalese. The first element of this anarchic definition is wrongful intent. Let nobody be guilty unless the mind be guilty, they say. Now when you pray in the light of free electricity, your intent is to pray. Purity of this purpose should not be undermined by monetary considerations, not that it bothers us much. No guilt in mind; no need to worry.

Next, of course, is dishonesty. This is simpler to explain -- you can find whole lectures being delivered on primetime talk shows on TV by all sorts of interesting ‘characters’. Entertainment value aside, these lectures prove a very valuable point about dishonesty: there is no such thing as dishonesty in our country. It was a nice thing to have but the burden of growing a conscience proved too much for the weak economy. So, it was settled -- out with dishonesty. Courts passed decrees, parliament made laws (remember EBDO, PRODO and NABO?), honesty was sewn into the fabric of the society and dishonesty was banished to the bad-lands.

Dishonesty was so unpopular that even the religious leaders gave it up.

The next element of the definition is moving things -- as if all things are files. Everyone knows that (development) files at rest tend to stay at rest until some external (donor) force is applied. That is not to say that internal power does not matter. If it didn’t we would not have all those posters exhorting, begging us to use the fountain of power to increase our internal force. Once the fountain of power was called WAPDA. It produced so much power that everyone got envious. Everyone wanted power -- quick, cheap and reliable. So, now everyone has a fountain of power. The monopoly was too undemocratic. We can all have power now according to our status.

Hard to follow my point; consider the following example: ‘A’ uses ‘free’ electricity to run a fan and a lightbulb. Since fan is moving, this is a theft. ‘B’ uses free electricity for running an air conditioner; since the air conditioner does not move, this is not a theft. Please note that ‘B’ also has more power than ‘A’. So many ‘A’s have turned into ‘B’s. Only ‘aam aadmis’ are ‘A’s now and there are so few of them now that there is no need for any law to govern them.

Besides, it is the right of every Aam Aadmi to become a ‘B’ if not in wealth then at least in moral turpitude.

Next is possession. Possession is 9/10 of law. Meaning: if you have possession, the law will by default side with you. When your car goes missing and is found in the bad-lands, the bearded ones have the possession. Finders’ keepers. Period.

So now you know. There is no theft in our society. All thefts and attached dire repercussions exist only in books. We have attained the impossible. Dystopia, anyone?