Hello!

How are you?

What’s up?

How’s it going?

These are a few variations to get the ball rolling.

Isn’t it strange that the questions that qualify as fillers, starters and small talk are the ones that warrant deep introspection yet they are rolled back and forth with such cool nonchalance that they could pass for mere greetings or acknowledgement of another’s existence?

No matter what we do or who we are talking to, we seem to be reading from a script; one that though modified a little to keep up with the lingo of times has been passed from generation to generation and has been agreed upon by all of us. It is always the philosophical questions that we have chosen as ice-breakers. How are you? How is it going?

You can almost feel yourself sinking under the weight of these seemingly innocent questions that address your well-being. Immediately, you find your mind racing a thousand miles a second -- you’re on edge. You can’t take too long to answer that; you can’t answer too quickly either.

You find yourself re-evaluating your life and personal dilemmas as you take a tell-tale pause to mutter the "I’m fine" or "It’s going well". You’re judged not just for the amount of time you’ve taken to give the ritualistic response but for delivery and choice of words.

"I have an earache that I keep ignoring. I confirmed all the symptoms on WebMD. I think I might have something serious but I can’t bring myself to go to the doctor. Also, I watched the news today after a long time and I’m disturbed (not surprised) by how violent the world around us is. I’ve been going through an existential crisis and I don’t know where I’m headed…" you think.

"I’m fine, thanks," you say.

At a time when even sharing is oversharing, you quieten your rambling mind with the tyrannical responses that you’ve been taught to use to make your way out. The question boomerangs to the interrogator and you feel your muscles relaxing. This is barter at its most unpretentious -- small talk is small talk for a reason, you smile to yourself as the tables turn.

There are people who have perfected the art of small talk and know how to use it to their advantage. They charm others with what they have to say and have them hanging onto every word from the get-go as they churn out recycled clichés one after the other. It is a life skill -- one that you can master over time and that will inevitably open up new opportunities. It is what it is. Most professionals would be lost without it and even those who may see no utility in it (or, worse, are no good at it), would not know what else to say. In event that there is a substitute, it will arguably play along the same lines and trigger a much dreaded self-reflection leaving the respondent struggling to put up an elegant façade.

Perhaps, on a deeper level, we connect over a mutual evasion of the big questions that have become metaphorical handshakes. As we applaud each other’s performances and assert that it would be foolish to go on baring our souls to every one we come in contact with, we become even firmer believers in the power of the script. With familiarity comes comfort and comfort is hard to give up. Though our souls often rebel in disgust by rarely letting us perfect our timing and delivery, we read on.

Hello…

How are you?

What’s up?

How’s it going?