If she were to enter a room full of empty chairs, she would prefer taking a back seat. There’s no real reason why but that’s how it’s meant to be. She does want to hear the talk that brings her to this room but not necessarily make an eye contact with the speaker or perhaps nod on a point or two.

She would much rather sit alone, hear the talk and leave, without having to ask the questions that come to her mind or without having to meet any acquaintances among the audience.

If only life were that simple. If only life would give her this opportunity to live as a backbencher. If only.

Time and again, she is forced to come out of her shell to conduct the everyday business, albeit reluctantly. She pretends to go back in, only to be forced out again. Life isn’t treating her well, for sure.

The worst is crowds. Actually five or more people seem like crowd to her. And then the small talk. If she chooses to stay quiet, that appears, well, not normal. The host focuses attention on her, only to make her comfortable, and that’s the last thing she wants -- attention. She understands she must appear normal, do what others do, socialise, conform. Burden it is or life, she thinks.

So she tries. But nothing in the world can make her express her opinion across the table because she isn’t sure. She never is. Thankfully, she is surrounded by people who have so much to say. Often that saves her. So many people wanting to say so much comes to her rescue.

She keeps making this resolve to only meet people she likes. Yes, there are a few people she gets along well with. With them, there isn’t any compulsion. They could all sit quietly or she could only listen. With these friends, she wouldn’t mind speaking her mind.

But then that’s not what life expects of her. The modern-day world is one for the outgoing, properly socialised beings, to the extent that there now are one or two books written and Ted Talks delivered in defence of introverts. Curiously, she discovers, this new scholarship makes a distinction between ‘introverts’ and ‘shy’ people.

This again is beyond her. According to this, she and perhaps many others must fit the bill -- introvert or shy. She starts comparing notes. She is not too keen to meet people; meeting people makes her anxious; she isn’t ready to share her thoughts when asked. What does all that make her? She is unsure. About this, too.

She chose a profession that would keep her confined to a desk, chair and computer. Her bad luck but years of almost solitary sitting and working changed, or shall we say upgraded, her professional status. People now emphatically seek her opinion, expect her to give talks about this or that but she still isn’t ready.

At times, she feels her own childhood was calmer compared to the children of today. Today, being extrovert is considered the only virtue worth-having and there is virtually no space for shyness.

In her own time, she could decide to set the mantra of a ‘successful life’ aside and try to live on her own terms. But the struggle is not over yet, it seems. As a mother, she doesn’t know what advice to give to her introvert son. How much socialisation and conformity does he need? Once again, she is unsure if the advice she gives is right or not, or whether she should give it at all.