"I want to leave the world of showbiz behind and do something halal," those were Rabia Butt’s parting words to me when I happened to catch her post-fashion week frenzy at the Pearl Continental Hotel in Karachi. That was back in February, and the model was taking a much-needed breather after four days of walking the ramp at the Telenor Fashion Pakistan Week, delicately downing a meal at Noodle House with fellow models Sabeeka Imam and Rubab Ali.

It took me almost four months and hundreds of phone calls to finally track down Rabia again and try to make sense of that tantalizingly vague statement with which she had ended our last conversation. Why would a model at the top of her game want to say goodbye to a career and an industry that clearly cherished her and allowed her to excel?

She might be difficult to get a hold off in person, but it’s hard not to be aware of Rabia’s presence these days. As the face of two of the most high-profile lawn brands in the country, Elan and Sana Safinaz, the gorgeous model with the bee-stung lips and luscious locks stares down from billboards at virtually every corner of the city. Add to that the fact that the two-time Lux Style Awards winning model is set to launch her acting career with a starring role in Farouq Mengal’s upcoming romantic drama Hijrat, and Rabia’s desire to leave behind the glitzy world of entertainment is all the more perplexing.

"I know the timing seems a bit off, what with Hijrat ready to release but the desire to do something other than entertain, something that satisfies my spiritual side, has been growing in me over the past few years. And I’m afraid I can’t ignore it any longer," Rabia shares with me as we finally sit down to catch up in Lahore. She explains why it’s been so hard to pin her down. The cast and crew of Hijrat have been on a tight working schedule, scrambling to get the shoot and the post-production wrapped up in time for the movie’s projected release in August.

The film marks the celluloid debut not only of its female lead, but also the director and a number of other cast members including Rabia’s male lead. Veteran television director/producer Farouq Mengal makes the jump to the big screen with a love story that unfolds in the backdrop of the Afghan refugee crisis. Rabia plays an Indian doctor Jiya, who works with displaced Afghan migrants in refugee camps, where she meets the man who will steal her heart, played by model-turned-actor Asad Zaman.

The tragic undertones of the story that centers around a love triangle appealed to Rabia, maybe because it reflected the pathos that she has been feeling for the past few years in her own life. Five years ago, she lost her mother and it’s only now that she’s coming to terms with the shock and grief that followed.

"She was my life. I’m still madly in love with her. There isn’t a single day that goes by that I don’t think about her," she reveals.

The death was unexpected and thrust the model, who was then slowly climbing her way to the top of the modelling industry, into a role of domestic responsibility that she was not mentally prepared for. With three younger sisters to look after, one of them being only eight years old at the time, Rabia says she became a single mother to them with little time to think about fashion shows and shoots. It was a difficult period for the pampered eldest daughter who had always been exceptionally close to her mother. "My world was falling apart; I had lost the person who mattered to me the most. I will be honest and tell you that I spent the initial few months being terribly angry at God but then it was in him that I found my solace. Today I feel closer to God than I have ever been."

Spiritually stronger yet internally conflicted, the model made a comeback about three years ago, looking better than ever before and bagging all the top campaigns, from Khaadi to Elan to Sana Safinaz. Yet, she says her heart is just not in it anymore.

"Look, I’m sensible enough to know that this is where my livelihood comes from. I am the one who is supporting my sisters and I want to give them the best of everything. That’s why I do it. But I’m also sure that I want to break away from the industry eventually. I don’t want to be eye-candy anymore. It’s an internal conflict that I am facing daily in my job and I eventually want to take up a career that adheres to my strengthening religious beliefs," she declares.

As one of the models who sizzled on the ramp at the two fashion weeks held in Karachi and Lahore in spring, I point out the inherent contradiction in what she’s been telling me so far. Rabia shrugs it off, admitting that her newfound spiritualism is something that even she is struggling to come to terms with. "None of this was planned, I would never have thought I would leave my modelling career but life can be so unexpected," she remarks philosophically.

Until she settles on an alternative career path ("I would love to be a doctor, I wish I hadn’t left medical college when I began to model at the age of 18," she says wistfully"), the lanky model has made an uneasy peace with her current profession. Acting is what she’s more interested in these days, because modelling, especially on the ramp, is making her increasingly uncomfortable. "I can’t bear to have all those eyes on me when I walk on the runway, neither can I be part of the backstage bitching and gossiping. Plus I don’t wear nanga clothes anymore and even though all designers have been very accommodating so far, I don’t like dealing with the drama."

With Hijrat, Rabia gets to live her fantasy of being a doctor and that was part of the appeal of playing the strong, independent Jiya who isn’t afraid to speak her mind and chalk her own path. Shot in Quetta, Istanbul and parts of Europe, the BTS images from the film look breathtaking and intense and Rabia promises that the project will be on a scale much grander than what the average cinemagoer is used to in Pakistan.

Surely a romantic project entails doing intimate scenes and I ask her how she reconciled the demands of the script with her brand-new modesty. "I haven’t done anything obscene in the movie. In fact, I made my boundaries very clear to the director from the very start. The love story is shot very tastefully and even the songs that I’ve done have shown me in a very restrained light. I want this to be a movie that I can watch with my family and not feel embarrassed about, " she reveals.

The masala factor comes from the inclusion of model Rubab Ali in the cast, who plays the third wheel in this extremely good-looking trio of characters and who was apparently signed on for the project on the recommendation of Rabia herself. While Rubab can be seen walking around the set in short skirts and relatively revealing clothes, the BTS shots show Rabia in outfits that cover her from head to toe. One ensemble, a voluminous white dress by Fahad Hussayn customized for the actress’s appearance in a fantasy song sequence, is particularly eye-catching.

"Both Rabia and Farouq had very specific requirements in mind," reveals designer FahadHussayn on his involvement in the project. "I’ve done the wardrobe for the songs, including one that shows Rabia as a new bride." I asked him whether he thought the model-turned-actress had what it takes to be a hit on the big screen and was met with a resounding ‘yes’. "She is a timeless beauty and the film captures her very well. I have no doubt that she will be a big hit."

Her career in the fashion world is going strong and with Hijrat, there’s a good chance Rabia will make a graceful transition to the silver screen as well. And if you’re curious whether the adulation is going to be wasted on someone who is clearly ambivalent towards her own career or if Hijrat’s success at the box-office will force her to abandon her pursuit for spirituality, you’ll have to wait and see. For Rabia herself doesn’t have a clear answer to that question. "God only knows," she says with a finality that leaves little room for more probing.

Hair, make up and photography: Maram Aabroo