Effeminate men are picked on in all societies but the practice is widely prevalent in our part of the world.

Since I was a toddler, my appearance was more like that of a girl -- which I wasn’t. Long and silky hair, soft skin, delicate features: so much so that people would ask my mother, "Is she your youngest child?"

By being mistaken as a girl for a significant part of my life, mentally, I kept switching between genders. Sometimes I would, consciously or unconsciously, take on the role of a female since it garnered me a chuckle or two. Strangely, till the age of eight or nine, I was never discouraged from doing so; then I had to stop.

However, consequently, this switch between genders had already instilled a female persona in me. I developed great sensitivity, sentimentality and empathy, three attributes that are generally found higher in and associated with women, both socially and scientifically. While I grew to appreciate myself for having a two-sided personality that enabled me to relate and bond with both sexes so well, I gradually began to hate it too.

It became the very characteristic in me that separated me from other boys -- I never developed the stereotypical-male interests they did in sports, cars, watches and all things that allegedly polish and shape masculinity. It became an effort for me to find boys who, regardless of having mutual interests with me, would accept another boy who was a little left of the centre. I became an outcast and a target. The fact that I was a joke to not only seniors but also to juniors made my time through school somewhat difficult.

Unfortunately, contrary to my expectations, this trend continued when I started college, a time in a person’s life when you are considered to be relatively more open and accepting of anything that strikes them as odd in their surrounding. That is when I lost hope. In my gut, I strongly felt that this was something that was never going to leave my side.

It was not only the fact that I attracted bullies but also that I attracted a number of exaggerated and presumptuous labels. I used to be put into the categories of homosexuals, transgenders and transexuals. Adding onto their rejection in society as a whole, it painted me in bad colour due to the automatic assumptions attached to such labels. My position in a social setting was altered altogether not even by my own choice.

Now, when I look at young boys or older men who are effeminate, I realise how social settings, especially school, would be or would have been an uncomfortable period of time for them in their lives. I know I survived because I had the stamina to bear scrutiny and suppress my subsequent fury, and build a shield around myself, but not everyone is able to do that. Most people lose their confidence and view themselves as inferiors to others not only in terms of masculinity but in every aspect of life.

While earlier I hoped that the situation for such people would improve over time, I have now lost faith in the concept. I tried from time to time to change people’s perception of the issue but it seemed to persist. I would have accepted their opinion if it had a religious grounding, since that would be something I could not have argued with. But this dilemma is one based majorly in the attitudes of the society. It merely involves accepting people with different personalities.

Sadly, such thinking from an extremely traditional and unprogressive perspective will take many years to alter.