The single woman choosing to remain so is a common feature of western societies. Their issues and problems are openly discussed as they have the luxury of being vocal about them. Expressing sexuality is not a problem for them since there is an acceptance of sexual relationships outside of marriage. While the situation still might not be ideal for single women living in the West, it does appear better for them in comparison.

The situation for single women living in our part of the world is complex. By choosing to remain unmarried or being forced to for lack of suitable options, their lifestyle is already one not considered ideal for women.

In an atmosphere where women already seem repressed since any discussion on female sexuality is hushed up and taken behind closed doors, the question arises how do single women living in this country express their sexuality?

Saira Haroon*, an academic at Lahore’s Punjab University, talks about the various dilemmas that single women might face under different circumstances: "If she has decided to stay single, she might go out and look for a relationship with a man. However, if she is still waiting for marriage then due to the social taboo attached to premarital sex, she would not necessarily opt for a relationship."

This, however, makes women vulnerable to exploitation by these men. "Since in the West sexual activity is considered a social responsibility, the attitude is quite different from here where it is considered a more private affair. So, in the West, a man who has been in a relationship with a woman outside of marriage will still have some responsibility towards her, and there will be social pressure for him to fulfill those responsibility, for instance, if the woman gets pregnant."

Kishwar Naheed, a feminist Urdu poet, adds: "It is more important for a single woman to protect herself. She should be careful about the men she associates with and all her relationships with them must be within limits. She should be strong and independent."

Haroon concurs: "In a relationship with a man, the woman has to be emotionally strong, especially in the society we live in."

Farah Hussain*, a medical doctor with experience in sexual and reproductive health, dismisses the lack of expression of sexuality as an urban middle class single woman’s problem. "What happens in the lower and upper classes and even in the women of rural areas defies this stereotypical moral notion," she says, implying that women do have sexual freedom in most cases.

Are single women allowed to express their sexuality in alternative ways? Unfortunately for us living in this part of the world, discussion of homosexuality with reference to women is next to impossible. Despite this, it cannot be assumed that women lead completely celibate lifestyles. One is reminded of Ismat Chugtai’s Lihaf, a story popular for the controversy it caused. Made up of fictional characters, the story seems to speak of the plight of many women caught in situations where they are unable to express themselves sexually.

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Kishwar Naheed comments on this saying "It is a way people express themselves but in our society discussing women’s sexuality is a taboo."

While these subjects remain a taboo, it is perhaps time to bring them into open, without making the women vulnerable of course. We cannot shut the door on any such discussion by declaring it a private issue.