I recently finished reading ‘Wicket Wit’, a book comprising funny comments about the game and cricketers.The editor of the book has aptly described it as a “delightful mix of run-out rebuttals, wicket wisecracks, oval orations and howzat humiliations”. I have selected some from this book for the readers of these pages.

Batting

It’s hard working batting look effortless. — David Gower

When you win the toss – bat. If you are in doubt, think about it, then bat. If you have very big doubts, consult a colleague – then bat. — W. G. Grace

When I’m batting, I like to pretend I’m West Indian. — Darren Gough

Bowling

To be a great bowler, you need a big heart and a big bottom. — Fred Trueman

Fast bowling isn’t hard work, it’s horse work. — Fred Trueman

I was once timed at 99.97 mph, but that’s rubbish, I was miles faster than that. — Jeff Thompson

Celebrities on cricket

I want to play cricket. It doesn’t seem to matter if you win or lose. —Meat Loaf

I find it beautiful to watch and like that they break for tea. That is very cool. — Jim Jamusch

I have often thought how much better a life I would have had, what a better man I would have been, how much healthier an existence I would have led, if I had been a cricketer instead of an actor. — Sir Laurence Olivier

Character in cricket

If something is not done to excess, it’s hardly worth doing. — Peter Roebuck

If I had to put it into one word? Integrity. — Sir Donald Bradman)

I regret that my mouth overtakes my brain. — Demot Reeve

Coaches and captains

I was never coached. I was never told how to hold a bat. — Sir Donald Bradman

Captaincy is 90 percent luck and 10 percent skill. But don’t try it without that 10 percent. — Richie Benaud

You’ll have the most miserable time of your life. (Brain Close)

Commentator classics

England have nothing to lose here, apart from this test match. — David Lloyd

His throw went absolutely nowhere near where it was going. — Richue Benaud

The slow motion replay doesn’t show how fast that delivery was. — Richue Benaud

Cricket and society

Cricket – it’s more than a game. It’s an institution. — Thomas Hughes

Cricket brings the most opposite characters and the most diverse lives together. Anything that puts very many different kinds of people on a common ground must promote sympathy and kindly feelings. — Kumar Ranjitsinjhi

Cricket, like the upper classes and standards in general, is in permanent decline. — Alan Ross

Cricketers on cricketers

A natural mistimer of the ball. — Angus Fraser on Michael Atherton

I don’t know what these fellows are doing, but whatever they are doing, they sure are doing it well. — Pete Sampras, American tennis player, on watching Lara and Ambrose at Lord’s

Cricketers vs the press

If there’s a game that attracts the half-baked theorists more than cricket, I have yet to hear of it. — Fred Trueman

Cricket is full of theorists who can ruin your game in no time. — Ian Botham

They smile and then they stab you. — Geoff Boycott

Generally, the people out on the pitch are the ones who know how to play the game, not the ones who are writing about it. — Marcus Trescothick

If I had my time over again, I would never have played cricket. Why? Because of people like you. The press do nothing but criticize. — Garry Sobers

English cricket

I can’t bat, can’t bowl and can’t field these days. I’ve every chance of being picked for England. — Ray East

Many continentals think life is a game; the English think cricket is a game. — George Mikes

England Vs Australia

The aim of English test cricket is, in fact, mainly to beat Australia. — Jim Laker

Australian fans will have gone to bed at three in the morning knowing the sun will still come up in the morning, but you don’t like losing to England at anything. — Geoff Lawson

Good Days And Bad

I can’t really say I’m batting badly, I’m not batting long enough to be batting badly. — Greg Chappell

The game you are frightened of losing is not worth winning. — Benny Green

You are only as good as your last game. — Ian Botham

The joys of cricket

In my opinion cricket is too great a game to think about statistically. — E H Hendren

The love of cricket nowadays seems to be confined to those who watch it or read about it. — Arthur Malley

Misunderstanding cricket

Sometimes, people think it’s like polo, played on horseback, and I remember one guy thought it was a game involving insects. — Clayton Lambert

It’s a silly game that nobody wins. —Thomas Fuller

Generally regarded as incomprehensibly dull and pointless game. — Douglas Adams

The nature of the game

Cricket is the only game I can enjoy without taking sides. — A A Milne

Cricket is a game, not a competition. — George Hirst

One-day cricket is like fast food. No one wants to cook. — Vic Richards

One-day cricket is an exhibition. Test cricket is an examination. — Henry Blofeld

Politicians on cricket

Politics governs everything we do – the games we play, the way we play them, who we play. — John Arlott

Cricket had plunged me into politics long before I was aware of it. When I did turn to politics I did not have too much to learn. — C L R James

The Presentation of the players

If you can’t always play like a cricketer, you can at least look like one. — Sir Donald Bradman

The gum-chewing habit is very catching, and you will sometimes see a whole fielding team resembling a herd of cows at pasture.– R C Robertson -Glasgow