reakups are strange, aren’t they? How does the person who used to give you butterflies with a single text become a person whose existence in your life is a mere nuisance?

That’s the irony of it. (From my research, the word ‘irony’ came into existence in the 16^th Century, probably when a person reading their love letters after a breakup thought, “Verily, the irony of it doth strike!”)

How does love transform into a burden so heavy that leaving feels like the only option. If Cupid read a message from your honeymoon phase and then the breakup stage, he would feel absolutely stupefied.

I’m not talking about situations where it’s one-sided; I’m talking about situations where you know there was love on both sides; the kind where you give each other flowers, keep your beard/ hair a certain way for them, and want to sleep on a call with them.

By the way, after the breakup, if you feel stupid that you’ve ever done such stuff, don’t! Don’t diminish your experience of those moments; savour those as good memories. It doesn’t matter if you broke up, or you were at the receiving end of a breakup.

If two people, who once had a lot of affection and care for each other, couldn’t sustain it, couldn’t put in the work in spite of love, both of them are ‘losers’ in the game. Sure, you can tell yourself a million things about how toxic that person was for you. (Side note: why is ‘toxic’ a favourite word for someone who’s going through a breakup?)

The tragedy occurs when we focus solely on our own hurt, without regard for the pain of the other person in the picture. We claim, “I gave it my all!” But remember, they did too, in their own way. No one enters a relationship hoping it will sour.

The tragedy occurs when we focus solely on our own hurt, without regard for the pain of the other person in the picture. We claim, “I gave it my all!” But remember, they did too, in their own way. No one enters a relationship hoping it will sour.

It’s funny how we forget how many dominoes had to fall in line one after the other for love to foster. We often become so blindsided by our efforts that we forget what the other person ever did. The worst part? The feeling that “the ball is in their court,” “I’m not going to message them, it’s their responsibility; I’ve done my bit.”

What on earth is this, a bloody tennis game?

The tragedy occurs when we focus solely on our own hurt, without regard for the pain of the other person in the picture. We often paint ourselves as flawless, claiming, “I gave it my all!” Remember, they did too, in their own way. No one enters a relationship hoping it will sour; each person contributes according to their understanding of nurturing it. Hyper-focusing on our own efforts blinds us to the contributions and sacrifices made by the other person.

So, if you find yourself, or your ex, entangled in a battle of emotional one-upmanship, acting nonchalant, or moving on swiftly, don’t fool yourself. Who needs the Olympics when you can have Breakup Games? Gold medal for pretending not to care; anyone?

Well, the truth is, you both lost. It’s healthier to grieve the end of a relationship and acknowledge the sadness rather than pretending it never meant anything to you. If it truly felt insignificant, was it ever genuine love, to begin with?

It’s essential to move forward; dwelling in the past indefinitely isn’t constructive. And, if you really want to win, don’t lose each other.

The writer is an ex-serviceman and a freelancer. He can be reached at shaafayzia@gmail.com