For four years, she had worked as a surgeon at one of the city’s top medical centres to pay off her in-laws’ debts, only for them to inform her one day that her “services were no longer needed.”

Her whole world came crashing down in that one unforeseen moment.

“Until last month, I had been paying the instalments on my in-laws’ car,” she says. I guess they were waiting for the last instalments to be paid.”

Ameena is a top surgeon in Islamabad.

Atiya*, who has an MBA, wasn’t allowed to work after her marriage. Her husband paid her a monthly allowance of Rs 5,000.

“When my first child was born, my parents came for a visit,” she says. “It was then that I realised that I didn’t even have enough money to buy a packet of juice for them.”

She says her husband didn’t completely deny her money. He would give her his credit card but later reprimanded her for spending even the smallest of amounts. When she finally thought she had had enough, she decided to start freelancing, only for him to insist that her income be deposited into his account.

“There was no autonomy, with or without the money. I couldn’t discuss this issue with anyone because that would suggest a lack of trust in him.”

What these women went through in their relationships is now being termed as financial or economic abuse. This form of abuse is seldom acknowledged but is deeply ingrained in the fabric of society.

A recent study, Examining the impact of economic abuse on survivors of intimate partner violence (2022), defines economic abuse as a form of intimate partner violence. It includes behaviours that control one’s ability to acquire, use and maintain resources. Such behaviours can result in the victim becoming economically dependent on their partner or limit their ability to leave the relationship and establish independence.

Interviews with women in Karachi, Lahore and Islamabad reveal that economic abuse is rampant and comes in many forms. More often than not, these women had no idea that they were being abused.

It was mostly when they were exiting their marriages that they realised how severely they had been deprived of their agency and controlled in a convoluted way.

 According to a study, economic abuse is a form of intimate partner violence. It includes behaviours that control one’s ability to acquire, use and maintain resources. Such behaviours can result in the victim becoming economically dependent on their partner or limit their ability to leave the relationship and establish independence.

Samia* is a government employee in Lahore. Her contract is renewed annually in April. “One year, it got renewed quite late and I got the salary for three months in one go.” She says her husband knew this and told her he needed the money to repay a debt. She says she reluctantly gave him the money because that was what was expected of her. She later found out that there was no debt whatsoever. “He used the money to go off to the mountains with his friends and his second wife.”

Samia finally mustered up the courage to leave her husband a few years later. She never got her money back.

A 2015 study by the National Commission on Status of Women mentions economic abuse among the indicators of gender-based domestic violence. According to this study, financial abuse includes “deprivation of economic or financial resources or prohibition or restriction to continue access to such resources which the aggrieved person is ordinarily entitled to.”

“There’s no denying now that financial abuse of women is happening,” says Ume Laila Azhar, the executive director of Homenet Pakistan. “The forms might vary, but it is very much present and increasing by the day.”

She says that some women are not allowed to work on one hand and do not get enough funds on the other for their needs. Then there are women who are earning but have to hand over their ATM cards to their husbands.

“Do they have decision-making powers then?” she asks.

Azhar says that in the case of many home-based workers, the women work, but the dealings with the contractor are concluded by the men in their families. “They get the money, too. In the case of many domestic workers, husbands take their wives’ salaries or sell their things. If she raises a question, he beats her up. Another example is when women are not given their rightful share in inheritance.”

***

The problem can no longer be overlooked. But how did it get to this point and why don’t we have more conversations about it?

“Women’s work is often not acknowledged as important,” says Sabahat Zakariya, a writer and culture critic. “Even when they’re working, they are not given the money as their right. There is always an element of ihsaan (favour) involved.”

She says some women tend to perpetuate the patriarchal idea that if women are just taking care of the kids and doing emotional work, they aren’t really doing anything. “Until they realise that work at home is something that needs to be acknowledged, financial abuse will keep happening.”

Zakariya says parents should discuss financial matters with their children instead of shying away from them. “For example, Nikahnama is an important document where you can lay down what the marriage will look like.” Ideally, she says the course of financial responsibilities should be charted in this document.

“Parents should safeguard their daughters from potential financial abuse by educating them before marriage on the importance of saving a portion of whatever they earn.”

She says that things get confusing once the financial responsibilities increase. “The powerful party always gets away with whatever they can. In our case, it is almost always the men.”

Maira* comes from an affluent family in Lahore. In her household, talking about money was looked down upon. Early in her marriage, she found out that her husband was blowing up money in sham investment schemes. The harm finally trickled down to her and her children.

“Family members would talk to him about being financially responsible, but he would make the decisions unilaterally. He would not think about me or how it would affect the family and the children.”

Maira says that had her parents educated her on financial matters, she would have been better equipped to take care of herself and her kids.

***

 Financial abuse can be covert in the sense that it's not obvious. It very slowly chips away at the agency and can lead to issues that come up when somebody is subject to trauma. – Fizza Suhail.

The emotional turmoil financial abuse can cause a woman cannot be denied. The potential long-term effect on women and their children can be severe. I ask Dr Neelofer Haroon about this. She has been in the mental health field for the last 28 years.

“When a woman constantly hears that it is a favour to her that she is being allowed to work, she will not feel empowered,” says Dr Haroon.

She says that there’s a deep-rooted belief indoctrinated in women that it is they who have to adapt in a relationship. This plays a role in them tolerating this kind of abuse. “As long as she is toeing the line, she feels good; if she is not, she feels guilty.”

In many cases, she says, where the relationship seems harmonious, it is because that role has been accepted.

Dr Haroon mentions that this can lead to feelings of inadequacy. If a woman starts doubting herself and feeling bad about herself, it will affect her. “If the mother is affected, the children will be affected too. It is bad for the children as she may deal with them in a passive-aggressive manner. If you accept how other people perceive you, it can damage your self-esteem,” she warns.

Fizza Suhail, a mental health counsellor and an educator, says that where there is abuse, there is a power differential. It occurs to keep that power differential in place.

“Financial abuse can be covert in the sense that it's not obvious. It very slowly chips away at the agency and can lead to issues that come up when somebody is subject to trauma.”

She says another thing it does is that it makes one feel powerless. It puts one in a position where they feel stuck.

“All of that happens in financial abuse. Dependence on somebody else for finances is played out in a way that it feels like there is no other way.”

Suhail says that trauma tends to compound for many people, meaning if someone is susceptible to one kind of trauma, they are likely vulnerable to other kinds as well.

“Some women may be more susceptible to financial abuse than others due to their own history of subjugation or having their agency taken away in other ways.”

This was corroborated by one of the survivors interviewed by The News on Sunday. She said she tolerated financial abuse in her married life, probably due to the abuse she saw in her own household, directed towards her mother by her miserly father.

"We can look at it from the socio-economic perspective and understand how sometimes that can cause traumatic stress in people. They are stripped of their basic rights, such as being able to speak up for themselves," Suhail adds.

For some, the repercussions of the trauma can persist long after it's over. Take Tayyaba*, for example, who still has a hard time talking about the trauma she faced early in her marriage.

“In the fifth month of my marriage, I decided to get a job. My salary was more than his. So he insisted that I cover my expenses since I was earning.” For their first Eid together, she asked him for a dress, to which he said she didn’t need him for that because she could afford it herself.

“The trauma from that was so strong that to this day, I can’t bear anyone spending anything on me.”

***

In April 2021, a Domestic Violence (Prevention and Protection) Bill drafted by then Minister for Human Rights Dr Shireen Mazari was passed by the National Assembly. The bill addressed the intentional deprivation of economic or “financial resources or hindrance to access of such resources which the aggrieved person is entitled to under the law.”

With some amendments, the Senate approved it in June 2021 and sent it back to the National Assembly. However, the bill has yet to receive final passage and become law.

According to Nighat Dad, the executive director of the Digital Rights Foundation, the Punjab Women’s Protection Act of 2016 clearly addresses economic abuse. However, she says, the Act has not been properly enforced.

“This happened because the law was designed in such a way that it was going to be enforced exclusively in locations with a Violence Against Women centre. Such a centre currently exists only in Multan.

“It has been clearly mentioned in this law that the aggrieved women can go to the court and that the court can decide what compensation can be given to her against the economic abuse.”

But Dad also says that she doesn’t know how many women are aware of this law, how they can benefit from this law, how they can document the economic abuse and what relief they can seek.

“How many women know that economic abuse is a form of abuse that is covered by the law? This is a huge thing. But women don’t know what the enforcement of this law is like.”

She says that the enforcement of this law has been confusing.

“Most people think that this law is enforceable in Multan only. Some people say that it extends to other districts as well. But there is no one opinion.”

***

For now, Ameena is trying to leave her worries behind. She is one of the top surgeons in the country. She has remarried and has two children.

“Now, I can keep what I earn. I can use it for my own needs and that is different. Maybe one day, I’ll also forget about what happened to me and how I was exploited,” she says.

“Not every abuse has to be blue, you see. Some just leave a permanent scar on your soul.”

*Names have been changed to protect identity.

The writer is a staff member