wise person – the magnificent Tina Fey – once said, and we quote, “We all know that award shows are stupid”. And they are, even more so when they lack inclusivity and insist on honouring “flashy garbage” instead of making any sort of rational sense. But they can also be fun.

Our feelings about the concept, as you can tell, are mixed. Here’s what we like and dislike about this annual ritual in self-aggrandisation.

The good

– The fashion: Award shows give us the chance to see pretty people dressed in pretty outfits. And not so pretty outfits. And ridiculous outfits, which, of course, is the most fun. Whether it’s someone channelling their inner lampshade or accessorizing their dress with what appears to be a table runner, we appreciate the effort.

– The hosts: The emcees – like Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, for instance – keep the ceremony structured. And if they’re funny – like Tina and Amy – they can add mirth to the proceedings. And if they’re likeable – like Tina and Amy – they can give you a reason to watch the ceremony. And if they’re well-respected – like Tina and …

Ok, so we basically just like Tina and Amy.

– The live performances: The ceremonies often offer a potpourri of talent, a chance to see skits, stand up, musical performances. What’s not to like about that!

– The recommendations: In that huge pile of albums and films and shows that are marketed endlessly during each award season, you can sometimes find a gem that you might be unfamiliar with and perhaps would not have discovered otherwise. And that is kinda nice.

The bad

– The very idea of comparison: Let’s take this apple and this orange and then pick one and say it’s better than the other. Sure there might be no real comparison between the two, and we can actually celebrate both fruits without anointing one as superior and diminishing the other in the process, but where’s the fun in that?

– The objectively nonsensical picks: Like, is there a single human person on this blessed planet who actually thinks Crash was the best movie of 2004?

– The gossip: Here’s a screengrab – basically a millisecond snapshot from a minutes-long encounter – that shows two people looking kinda uncomfortable standing next to each other, so that must mean they hate each other. Let’s make a whole thing out of this while ignoring the rest of the interaction that proves otherwise.

Because reality is boring.

– The length: Does it look like we have 92846031 hours on any given evening to watch rich people pat each other – and quite often themselves – on the back for basically just doing their jobs half-decently? Bring it down to an hour, an hour and a half tops, and then maaaybe we’ll think about tuning in!

– S.A.