Parenting children with special needs — what needs to be done

Karachi
It is always a pleasure to listen to an authority on a subject; but when the topic is of great significance - how to ensure good parenting in these difficult times and that too of disabled children - it becomes a special occasion.
The talk by Dr Murad Musa Khan, a well-known psychiatrists and former chairman of the department of psychiatry at the Aga Khan University, held last week at The Circle: Caring for Children - a rehab centre for children with special needs - was excellent in terms of its usefulness and relevance. He dealt at length with the challenges parents face and provided a wealth of information on how even in these times when there are so many competing needs and so many challenges that we all face, we can raise good children – and find balance in our own lives in doing so.
“Sometimes in tragedy, we find our life’s purpose,” said Dr Khan commencing his talk with Robert Broult’s quote.
“At some point in our lives, we all go through stress. Some people more than others. A person who expresses grief, sadness, depression, low self-esteem, hopelessness actually needs support and is asking for help. Behind this grief, anxiety and depression could be a number of reasons - one of which could be parenting a child with special needs,” he explained.
Dr Khan urged parents to maintain their own health and educate themselves which will help them manage their emotional reactions and enable them to see the bigger picture. The course and demand of everyday life changes with the diagnosis of a disability; since there is no cure, the biggest struggle for parents is acceptance, followed by management - the child and their own selves.
“Denial is not a healthy state of mind because changing the situation is not in one’s hand. An imbalance in this mechanism gives rise to stress which takes its own toll,” explained Dr Khan.
Acceptance will help parents set realistic targets and help their children become

independent.
Dr Khan said that stress was a phenomenon that occurred when one’s ability to cope fell short of the challenges one faced: it is the gap between abilities and responsibilities, in the context of parenting and living our daily lives.
“Women not only have to manage their own stress but of their spouses too because men take more time to accept and stay in denial longer,” he said, urging the women to maintain a healthy lifestyle, sleep for at least six to eight hours, pursue a hobby, work towards spiritual growth, exercise and refrain from smoking, drinking alcohol and sleeping pills.
The talk started with a note of introduction by Sadaf Shahid, the CEO and chief therapist of The Circle.
She explained the objectives of setting up The Circle, how it worked with children with various disabilities and the results that had been achieved so far. The interactive talk at The Circle was largely attended and elicited many queries from parents.