Wintry warmth of relationships

When I noticed them, the boy had handed a little packet to the girl and she was unwrapping the gift. I immediately recognised that it was a book because we had been to the bookshop in the vicinity and the wrapping paper was familiar.

Then, I could only decipher the word ‘Kafka’ in the title. And this sight touched my heart. Here were two teenagers, perhaps high school seniors, sharing their love with the lofty ideas of a literary masterpiece.

Let me hastily explain that this encounter happened in a restaurant in the small Italian town of Monza two days before Christmas. The idea is not to commend the reading habits of Italian youth for this may only be an exceptional case. What I want to highlight is the practice of exchanging gifts during the festive season of Christmas and New Year. I have been thinking about what this means in the context of building relationships in a society.

There are, of course, many other aspects of this experience of being in Italy during this season. It matters that my wife and I are not tourists. We are visiting our younger daughter who has been here for twelve long years. Thus, we have some intimate access to Italian families and have participated in many festivities of the season.

There is certainly a religious connotation to the entire ritual of giving gifts at Christmas. Let me quote some words from a Google search: “Gift-giving has its roots in pagan rituals held during the winter. When Christianity folded these rituals into Christmas, the justification for bearing gifts was redirected to the Three Wise Men, the Magi, who gave gifts to the infant Jesus. But in early modern Europe, it also had its roots in Christian begging”.

So, gifts are put under a Christmas tree and members of the family come together to open them in the morning on Christmas day. But this practice, in its secular extension, has incorporated friends and associates. It would appear as if everyone were giving and receiving gifts. Consequently, the markets come alive with all kinds of merchandise that may be chosen as gifts. There is an entire range of what may be an appropriate gift for a particular person.

The children, naturally, are a major beneficiary of this tradition and toy shops are overly crowded in this season. But I was delighted by the rush that I saw at the bookshops. I have been to three in Monza and each of them is larger than any I know in Karachi. Italian translations of the latest English bestsellers are readily available and the ambience that you find in a bookshop is so cheerful and inspiring.

This joy associated with Christmas is similar, no doubt, to all major festivals celebrated in different religions and societies. We have our Eid and it also brings families together and there is an environment of festivity that precedes the festival. Eidi that the elders are obliged to give to younger relatives is a welcome gift, though it is not meant to be reciprocated.

Actually, all festivals serve to make our lives more meaningful and foster a sense of togetherness. Christmas stands a bit apart because of its linkage with the New Year, which is celebrated at a separate level. We all have our own ways of ringing out the old and ringing in the new. Hence, I have the story of how we celebrated the New Year in Monza, including with huge fireworks that we witnessed from our windows.

However, the New Year demands some reference to what the departing year was like in both the collective and personal contexts. This means that it is bound to be a celebration tinged with many regrets. The year that has ended was tumultuous in many respects. The tragedy of the Middle East has continued to become more tragic. Some other wars and upheavals are being handed over to the New Year. Consider this astounding paradox that Jesus was born in a land they ignored in the festivities of Christmas.

One feature of the New Year celebrations is that we make resolutions for the coming year and the stress here is on making our lives, in the personal domain, better and happier. The media has ample suggestions in this regard. Much attention is devoted to improving our physical and mental health. This is a difficult task, particularly in a country like ours.

This idea of setting personal goals to make our lives more livable takes me back to the practice of exchanging gifts with our loved ones. I have read a lot about the research that shows that our interpersonal relationships are crucial to our well-being. These relationships protect us against depression and anxiety. That image of the two teenagers that I saw in a restaurant is stuck in my mind.

They both seemed so bright and full of life and were apparently in love with each other. For me, the book by Kafka was a testament to the promise of a brave new world. Is that world within the grasp of the young people of today, the ones who have the capacity to think and dream and love?

Sadly, I cannot relate to this thought with the current state of the young in Pakistan. But I am in a faraway place at this time, in these days of icy winter, and may be allowed some fanciful ideas about what is possible and what is not. It may not last but presently I feel the warmth of a ceremony I attended on Christmas Eve.

It was held in an old castle and the family had invited close relatives and friends who had come from many other places. It was an inclusive gathering. The party ended with a huge bonfire on the grounds of the castle. Someone passed pieces of cinnamon to be thrown into the fire for good luck and with a wish. I did that, too.

The writer is a senior journalist. He can be reached at: ghazi_salahuddin@hotmail.com