We don’t understand the impact these words hold and how they make or break someone....
INTROSPECTION
I recently stopped saying “always here” in response to people thanking me for my help. I know most of you will think that it is no big deal because we say stuff like that all the time. We throw phrases like these in the air all the time; it is like generation Z doesn’t even understand the importance of words anymore. We don’t understand the impact these words hold and how they make or break someone.
The ‘boundary’ is a foreign concept to many people of my generation because we weren’t taught about it. Growing up in households where locking up bedroom doors is a violation of our values, who’d understand what it’s like to build a boundary or to draw a line? We grew up chained with chains of morals, ethics and values, so we forgot there is a life beyond it, and that life is supposed to be lived in a world where everyone is ready to exploit us.
Giving is a beautiful concept. I believe in giving. I think that connections are built and enhanced when you have a giving nature, and it is incredible if you’re a giver. Giving takes courage, and being a giver is one of the best things. But, did anyone ever tell us about when to stop giving? We have been taught to be kind, friendly, helpful, sympathetic and empathetic with the people around us, but we have never been instructed to draw a line. We know when to start giving, but we are completely unaware of when to stop, so by the time we realize it, it’s too late. We have given everything we ever possessed, and it has left us empty. We question ourselves; we ask why we did what we did and end up with no answers.
Ending up with no answers leads to one thing: pessimism. The negativity slowly transforms into hatred. Hatred towards the world, responsible people and those who aren’t accountable, and hatred towards oneself is the most deteriorating form. “Why am I this way?” “This is all my fault” are the phrases playing over and over in that sorry head of yours. I am often told that I bring out the “best” in people, and later, I am treated like trash by them. And having said that, I am not at all implying that I don’t want to bring out the best in people; it is probably one of the best traits I possess, and I will continue to do so, but one thing I have learned in the process of getting drained and ending up empty-handed is that I need to know when to stop giving.
You need to step back from giving the minute you realize that you alone are offering, and the one on the receiving end is taking and doesn’t know when to stop. You need to step back as soon as you realize that the one receiving takes you for granted and drains you out.
The minute it starts to drain you out, you need to take a step back and consider if you’re losing yourself in the process of giving. The one you’re willingly giving to, is s/he capable or willing to give even an ounce of it back to you? If the answer is no or maybe, you need to step back. That is when you need to build a boundary; you need to protect yourself and stop because takers don’t know any limits.
You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you don’t necessarily have to be an empath to experience this. There is a misconception that people who feel the pain of others like their own are the ones to share this, no. Anyone who is just generally kind struggles to say no to people. People who are blindly in love, or grew up with unmet emotional needs can experience this and need to build boundaries around themselves.
Learn to say no; don’t be available if you can’t be, refuse and reflect. It is okay.
