They are not alone

24-year-old Alefiya Abbas Ali thought that she was prepared for what was to come. She had read up everything that she had to about managing twins. Although, she thought she was ready for what was to come, things didn’t go according to plan. “The first year with twins was a blur. All I remember is being exhausted all the time and overwhelmed with anger, frustration and fear of not being a good mother. I read all about managing twins, how to keep them on same sleep and feed schedule etcetera. Unfortunately, we hardly get to read and hear about postpartum depression, which I was not prepared for. I was depressed and used to have crying spells which no one could understand,” narrates the now 30-year-old Alefiya, a Traditional Islamic artist and mom to 6-year-old twins.

The birth of a baby can trigger a jumble of powerful emotions, from excitement and joy to fear and anxiety. But it can also result in something you might not expect: depression. Postpartum depression may be mistaken for baby blues at first – but the signs and symptoms are more intense and last longer, and may eventually interfere with your ability to care for your baby and handle other daily tasks. And while some moms are able to find a way to overcome these challenges, creative working moms, especially artists, tend to face a unique set of challenges.

“To cope up with it, I thought about starting my art practice,” adds Alefiya. “But I struggled with an artist block, mainly because of limited social interaction that caused lack of vision, limited access to printmaking studios and certain health issues didn’t permit me to practice printmaking.”

After the initial setback, Alefiya decided to enrol in different art programmes and that’s where she came across a programme that was promoting traditional art and she learned about Islamic art. “After attending a few workshops, I realised my true calling in Islamic art, especially Islamic geometry. Drawing a circle after another and connecting lines to find a pattern worked like a therapy for me. I ended up doing my post grad diploma in Traditional Islamic Art with first position when my girls started their kindergarten,” she tells.

A colleague of Alefiya, 29-year-old Zehra Fatima Tooba, an artist and mom to two toddler boys, went through a similar ordeal. Tooba had to put her professional career on hold due to two back-to-back pregnancies. “I feel that one should be prepared to have a child. An unplanned baby can be very overwhelming for the mother. I conceived my first child just after a month of my marriage. I was only trying to adjust into my new married life and develop a better understanding with my husband when this big change came my way. And before I could get a grip on things, my second son was born just after 10 months,” shares Zehra. “Rather than being happy for another child, I felt upset. I wanted give proper attention to my eldest and for him to be at least four before I had another one. During my first pregnancy, I could handle doing some art. Even though it was mostly left incomplete, it gave me a lot of satisfication.But, after the second baby, it was impossible to even do that. Your body needs rest,” she describes.

Zehra not only struggled with gaining her health back after pregnancy but she also had to struggle emotionally. “I was given drips for iron during both the deliveries. And to add to that, Postpartum Depression (PPD) was too much to handle and I was very aggressive. Our society is very dismissive of PPD which makes it harder to overcome it. One needs to have a supportive family in order to get through it.”

To learn more about PPD, Zehra started talking to her artist colleagues, who were also mothers, and found that many of them had to go through a similar ordeal and it prompted her to do something about it. “My personal experience made me realise that people around us should be aware of PPD, which gave me the idea of curating an exhibition ‘Ray of Hope’ (RoH). This art exhibition is being held to spread awareness and also support other women who have gone through or are undergoing PPD,” she tells. “This project is a labour of love and with the support of Shakira Masood we organised this exhibition. There are 14 artists – Alefiya Abbas Ali, Ammara Gul Aga, Aroob Ansari, Fariha Furqan, Fatima Khalid Khan, Kiran Zohaib, Manisha Jiani, Sanniya Adnan, Sana Anwer, Sana Nezam, Rabia Dawood, Sumaira Tazeen and Zohra Amarta Shah – including myself who are expressing their thoughts through art in this exhibition,” reveals Zehra.

Art is often considered a medium for therapy and a healing process, as it is invaluable to engage the mind with inspiration, while increasing our sense of compassion for the journey that has led us through time to the present moment. “After I decided on doing RoH, I did a course on Introduction to Psychiatry from AKUH for research in art therapy. There was a rehab by an NGO which was for drug addicts and psychosis patients. I would give them art therapy sessions. Usually, these patients have weak hand muscles so drawing, sculpting helps your motor skills which works as therapy. The colours help with curbing depression and anxiety. This boosted my confidence even more for this exhibition,” elucidates Zehra.

Mother of two, 38-year-old Zohra Amarta Shah has been working with Beyond the Diagnosis Art Exhibit - Rare Disease United Foundation in order to help them with their mission of bringing attention to the wide variety of rare diseases that effects the global population through art. Zohra has held numerous exhibitions nationally and internationally at renowned galleries. Despite being so accomplished, Zohra also felt that a creative part of her wasn’t satisfied, “I felt I was falling short as an artist. I was terrified that as a creative artist I had totally lost myself. I felt isolated. My biggest challenge was finding the time to think. A large part of my job is to research, be inspired, and work things out. As a mom, I feel like my mind was an ongoing pinball machine game, finding silence is difficult, and switching gears is even harder,” she explains. “RoH helped me express and understand that I am not alone with these feelings. We need to ensure that professionals are able to understand the signs and that they don’t feel awkward starting a conversation with women having such feelings. I really hope that the exhibition proves that through inner strength and courage, to seek help is okay. It’s a person’s right to be heard and acknowledged, brighter days will follow again,” enthuses Zohra.

It is important to remember that PPD affects people differently. 38-year-old Ammara Gul Aga, mother to 7-year-old daughter and 3-year-old son describes her experience, “I was never officially diagnosed with PPD and I didn’t have trouble connecting with either of my babies after birth. My struggle was feeling betrayed by my own body. With both pregnancies (4 years apart), I had to deliver through C-section. Even though I know a lot of mothers give birth this way, I felt robbed of something special. Why was my body not able to perform a basic function it was designed for? Why was I so powerless in front of doctors who got to decide my fate? It was an extremely lonely place to be in. For the life of me, I couldn’t understand why I felt so broken, sad and helpless even though what ultimately mattered was that both babies were born healthy.”

Ammara shares that the two things that helped her through were her faith in God and her husband’s support. “Having someone just to listen without judgement and acknowledge your pain makes a huge difference. With RoH, it has been an introspective journey. Sitting with my experiences and looking back to find the lessons. Most of all, it allowed me to connect with mothers in my own circle who have had PPD and start a conversation. It is so important to share our stories and to let others know they are not alone.”

Another participant of RoH, belonging from Mirpur Khas and now based in Karachi, 34-year-old Manisha Jiani and mother of two, felt a pressure to be the perfect homemaker; despite having passed her Bachelors in Miniature painting with a distinction. “Coming from a traditional family background, I feel that there is a lot of pressure on women. Their main job is to be a perfect homemaker and if they want to pursue their career, so it’s their problem. Women will always be judged on how they perform as a homemaker and very few people will try to understand. While I went through some PPD, though it wasn’t as bad, but I didn’t realise how many women actually go through it. So, when I became a part of RoH, I thought about this a lot. Words and gestures are very important in making or breaking of a person. In my work, I used diary pages to represent subconsciousness while the stitches symbolise words and gestures of other people. Stitches may have their purpose but they are painful and leave theirs marks behind (I had 2 C-sections, myself). These stitches are transformed into flowers in my work as an attempt to overcome the pain and have hope again,” inspires Manisha.

“To be an artist is a full-time job as every day you will have a new assignment to work on. You have to keep on thinking about the new ideas and transformation of these ideas and at times it requires a huge amount of effort,” stresses mother of a five-year-old boy. 34-year-old Sanniya Adnan, a UAE-based Pakistani miniature artist, who works for a company of luxury watches.

“However, my work helped me calm myself in times when I needed it. I had PPD and it was annoying for me as I was unable to help myself on how to take care of a new-born, but I managed even though it was really hard. RoH reminds me of those helpless days but I focused more on solutions this time.” Sanniya highlights.

“For all new mothers, I would say that it’s important to spend time on yourself for the sake of your mental health. If you feel good and happy about yourself, you will be able to care for your child better. Spend time with your partner, share what you are feeling and connect with friends to loosen up a little. Do what makes you happy which will eventually help you stay motivated and in coping with problems better,” recommends Sanniya.

Postpartum depression is still a topic that often goes neglected in our society and it’s important that we spread awareness regarding it. “Being a working mom is a balancing act on a tight rope! With RoH, it has been an introspective journey. Sitting with my experiences and looking back to find the lessons. Most of all, it allowed me to connect with mothers in my own circle who have had PPD and start a conversation. It is so important to share our stories and to let others know they are not alone,” concludes Ammara.