Centuries have passed but the practice of female infanticide is still deep rooted in our society. You! takes a look...
Centuries have passed but the practice of female infanticide is still deep rooted in our society. You! takes a look...
In the fast-paced world today, where technology is taking over, there are still particular mindsets which promote contents - either an advertisement painted on the walls, printed in the newspapers or popping up on the internet - in which they say that ‘inshallah beta he paida hoga’ (God willing, it will be a son) or ‘pareshan na hon, ab aap beton ki maa banengi, is number pe raabta karen’ (don’t worry, now you’ll become a mother of sons, contact on this number). Not only this, but when a woman conceives - no matter for the first time or the tenth time - she is always being bestowed by the prayers of the old ladies that it will be a son, in other means, it ‘should’ be a son.
Delivering a son or a daughter does not make any difference to a mother because she goes through the same agony when she gives birth to her child. After nurturing the child for 9 months in her womb, bearing all the low and high pains, she finally delivers her child with intense labour pain, the pain which no one can imagine to have in their weirdest dream, yet the birth is unwelcomed if it’s a girl. Centuries have passed but female infanticide is seen in practices like sex-selective abortions, torturing the mother of a girl to death and killing of the mother are still prevailing in our society. And if the baby girls are not killed then they are abandoned and the orphanages are their next home.
“I got married at the age of 12,” Nasreen, who is a maid, shared her story, “I conceived right after my marriage, at that time I didn’t know anything about pregnancy and this whole procedure. I delivered the baby in my small cemented kitchen and the pain was so intense that I couldn’t say or hear anything. After a few hours when I gained a bit of strength, I asked my family where the baby was, they said it was a girl and we didn’t want it. Today, I have two sons and my 4 daughters were buried alive, God knows where, and this is a common practice in my and nearby villages that girls are born to be killed.” she laments.
This abominable practice is very common in the lower class and rural areas, especially in Asian countries, where the birth of a girl is considered a burden on the family. But the elite and middle-class families are also found having a high preference for the male offspring instead of a female.
These scenarios disturb the emotional and physical well-being of a mother. The family is always ready to take heedless and unsafe measures to avoid the birth of a girl without giving a second thought to the mother’s life and health. There are a number of cases heard; read and seen where wives are beaten up badly by their husbands for nurturing a girl in her womb, which is an inexcusable crime in a conservative society like ours. If the mother still wants to deliver a girl then the fathers always have an open option from their mothers - who is also a woman - to keep marrying another woman who can grant the family with grandsons.
Ruqaiya, who has an MBA and belongs to a middle-class family, had delivered a baby girl a few months ago, “Rehma was my second baby and the whole family was really excited thinking that this time they would see a baby boy of their son. My in-laws had already shortlisted names of baby boys, but when my mother-in-law got the news of a girl, she left the hospital in anger. I sent my husband after her, but she didn’t come back but sent a message for me that I have disappointed her and she will only see my face the day I will bestow the family with a boy,” tells Ruqaiya.
Asma, who is a Fashion Designer, has also been in the same pitiful situation when she conceived for the first time and everybody started telling her that she should deliver a son. “I belong to an educated family and my in-laws are pretty rich. There are more sons and fewer daughters in my husband’s family, so they were also expecting me to give them a son. During my pregnancy, I got into fights with my husband and in-laws regarding them telling me to deliver a boy which was not even in my control. I now have four daughters and my parents-in-law don’t meet me anymore nor have they ever come to see or meet their granddaughters and keep pushing my husband for a second marriage,” she expresses.
Sajda, a doctor turned artist, shares her grief, “I was married for 5 years and didn’t conceive. I would think that I have the best in-laws and husband who never hated me for not conceiving. Then finally, I conceived after years and that brought a wave of happiness in the family. My husband came to me and politely told me that we should have a son because no one knows then when again I can conceive. That day my heart broke into pieces and I couldn’t understand whatever my husband just told me was a threat or what? I delivered a baby girl and she is seven years old now. My father-in-law passed away right after her birth and everyone calls my daughter manhoos.”
If giving birth to a girl is a crime then this society should grasp the right collar, which is the collar of the father. Scientifically men are responsible for a child’s gender because a female has XX chromosomes and the male has XY chromosomes. The female has only X chromosome to contribute while the male has X and Y chromosome. He can either contribute his X chromosome which will result in the development of a girl or the Y chromosome which will result in the development of a boy. The rest is in God’s hand that which chromosome makes the combination.
But, this is a pitiful reality of the society - that we can’t change and abolish - is affecting the generations. Women are scared of raising their voice against this worst unfolding tragedy to safe their marital life and they go on with their husband or in-law’s decision to abort the girl. If a woman puts her foot down and categorically tells her in-laws that whether it’s a girl or boy, she owns her child, nothing can stop her to attain justice.
We curse the poor for this horrendous act, but who is going to question the so-called ‘well-educated’ families who do not kill the baby girl, but make their lives miserable by not educating them, selling them or knotting them with a man double of their ages.
It’s about time that women should take stand against this stigma which is eating the society like a termite. A woman can make her parents proud in millions of ways. Instead of killing a girl, resource her - let her get education, let her work in her interested field and let her communicate her mind. Let girls born, let them live, let them change the history and make a difference in the society.
