This conversation was between one of my closest friends and I, and it had happened earlier in March following my engagement. Seven months later, I had this conversation with my mother...
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“So, when is the big day?!” asked my friend excitedly as I broke the news to her. “I don’t know yet. The elders are planning for it at the end of the year, but I can’t say for sure,” I told her blushing slightly. “That sounds wonderful! I’m so happy for you guys,” she continued.
This conversation was between one of my closest friends and I, and it had happened earlier in March following my engagement. Seven months later, I had this conversation with my mother...
“When are you going to get the dates fixed?” I asked my mom, rather impatiently. “Abhi dekhtay hain. Hojaye ga sab, kya jaldi hai tumhay?” (We’ll see. Everything will be sorted. Why are you in a rush?) Her nonchalant response only fuelled my agitation. “But... but... ammi, we need to settle this soon so I can start planning and shopping,” I argued, almost whining. “Well then, go ahead! Shop whatever you want to till then,” my mother snubbed me with a sarcastic answer. “How can I do that? I need time to prepare for everything. And, what if it is later than expected? Or, what if I get something made and later I want something entirely different?” At this point, my mother lost it, “When we fix the dates, we’ll get whatever you need. I want you to stop fussing over everything on a daily basis. Focus on your work, the rest will be taken care of.”
Marriage is a huge turning point in anyone’s life, so it’s natural that I was thinking too much about it. I had all sorts of ideas about everything. I had envisioned everything and kept an eye on bridal trends while scouring through Instagram and Pinterest. I looked for the best designer wear to the best makeup artist. I had already pinned about 50 different ideas for jewellery and clothes. Also, my over-efficient-self had even noted all the wedding halls in the vicinity. But, while I had all these plans in my head, the only thing that had to be done was to finalise my dates. To be honest, it was really frustrating and as the days passed, my frustration was turning into aggression. This only led me to stress out more and turn into something that I was so desperately trying to avoid: a bridezilla. I had been cranky, lashing out at people and even had a few breakdowns in between. On the other hand, my fiance had literally been the chilliest person on the planet. He’d often ask me why was I stressing too much which infuriated me even more; he’d always get a seething silence through the phone or a death stare in-person.
This, my friends, was not just a mere case of pre-wedding jitters. My world was a wrecking havoc and I was blind to anything else. There was an unknown pressure for everything to be perfect, and I ended up hating every single minute leading up to the big day. Sadly, weddings nowadays have become a checklist rather than a happy time for the two families. There is a particular standard set by the society which classifies a ‘good’ wedding. Whether you are affluent or not, getting married in this day and age is super expensive. And even if you want to opt for a budget-friendly event, you will end up upsetting a huge chunk of your friends and family. For most of us, the log-kya-kahaingay monster lurks too close behind everything we do, sucking the fun out of everything. Realising this was a tricky process but it did help me formulate my own definition of the ‘perfect wedding’ through these three simple rules.
Are you getting a particular dress because you genuinely like it or just so you can one-up someone in the family? Similarly, are you pressured into over-inviting people just because you have to? It doesn’t matter if an item has a top-notch label on it, what matters the most is that you like it. If you find it feasible to accommodate a few people, then go for it. It is so easy to give in to the pressure but you shouldn’t be ashamed to admit that you have budget constraints. Don’t worry about upsetting anyone, they will probably find something or the other to nitpick. Make the most out of what you have.
Make sure that you communicate with your significant other to avoid any misunderstandings. It’s important that you and your spouse-to-be are on the same page regarding most things. In my case, it helped a lot when I discussed ideas with my fiance. Not only did it help us bond and figure things out, but we also came up with some cool new ideas.
At the end of the day, it’s you who is going to be at the altar so you need to be the happiest and shine the brightest. For this, you need to treat yourself and not worry over the smallest of things.
Your wedding will be remembered for its memories, so focus on that. No matter what happens, what’s really important is that you are happy and so are the people around you. Dresses, jewellery, venue and all other material things do not make a wedding perfect but the people who are with you. Remember to cherish all the moments, spend time with your loved ones, stay positive about everything and look forward to your new beginnings.
