Losing a loved one can be a highly charged and very traumatic time. Coping with the loss of someone you love is one of life’s biggest challenges.....
mental health
Losing a loved one can be a highly charged and very traumatic time. Coping with the loss of someone you love is one of life’s biggest challenges. When we lose a spouse, sibling or parent our grief can be particularly intense. Often, the pain of loss can feel overwhelming. You may experience all kinds of difficult and unexpected emotions, from shock or anger to disbelief, guilt, and profound sadness.
Coping with death is vital to your mental health. It is only natural to experience grief when a loved one dies. But while there is no right or wrong way to grieve, there are healthy ways to cope with the pain that, in time, can ease your sadness and help you come to terms with your loss. Inevitably, the grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can’t be forced or hurried - and there is no ‘normal’ timetable for grieving. Some people start to feel better in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. Whatever your grief experience is, it’s important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold.
Accepting the Loss:
The first task, accepting the reality of the loss, involves overcoming the natural denial response and realising that the person is physically dead. It is necessary to grieve the physical finality of losing a loved one and come to grips with the fact that you will not see that person again in this life. But the spiritual life goes on. Have this faith that he is now in an immeasurably better place.
Experience the Pain: Many people try to avoid pain by bottling up their emotions or rejecting the feelings they are having. They may try to take shortcuts through the grieving process, not admitting to the feelings of anger or denial that usually exist. However, the only way to move through grief is to move through it. The person who avoids grieving will eventually suffer from some form of depression, or even physical problems.
Take your own time: Grief is personal. Let yourself feel the pain and all the other emotions, too. Let yourself cry, it’s but natural. Loss of appetite, trouble sleeping, and sadness are all part of the normal grief process, and are best not interfered with. Be patient with the process. Accept that you need to experience your pain, your emotions, and your own way of healing all in your own time.
Share your grief: Now is the time to lean on the people who care about you, even if you take pride in being strong and self-sufficient. Rather than avoiding them, draw friends and loved ones close, spend time together face to face. Talk about your loss, your memories, and your experience of the life and death of your loved one. Find and talk to others who have lost a loved one.
Draw comfort from your faith: Spiritual activities that are meaningful to you - such as praying, meditating, or reading Quran - can offer solace. If you’re questioning your faith in the wake of the loss, talk to a religious scholar.
Take care of yourself: Eat well and exercise. Physical activity is a good way to release tension. Allow yourself physical pleasures that help you renew yourself, like hot baths, naps, and favourite foods.
Give yourself a break from grief: You must work through it, but you don’t need to focus on grief all the time. Find distractions like going to a movie, dinner, reading a good book; listening to music; or getting a massage or manicure.
After you vent, accept that the chapter is closed: This is something that can be very difficult, but you have to accept that your loved one is gone. It may be helpful to go to a place where you used to go together: listen to music, take a walk, eat something... you have to make yourself realize that you can do these things without him.
Don’t feel guilty for overcoming your grief and living your life: Many people feel disloyal or unfaithful if they withdraw emotionally from their deceased loved one. But the goal is not to forget the person who has died; it is to finally reach the point where you can remember your loved one without experiencing disabling grief.
It doesn’t mean that you’ve forgotten them, or don’t care about the time you spent with them. Your loved one makes up a part of your history, and they’ll never be forgotten. Just because you’ve chosen to be happy doesn’t mean that you don’t love them!
Myths and facts about grief
Myth: The pain will go away faster if you ignore it.
Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing, it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.
Myth: It’s important to ‘be strong’ in the face of loss.
Fact: Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to ‘protect’ your family or friends by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.
Myth: If you don’t cry, it means you aren’t sorry about the loss.
Fact: Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one. Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of showing it.
Myth: Grief should last about a year.
Fact: There is no specific time frame for grieving. How long it takes differs from person to person.
Myth: Moving on with your life means forgetting about your loss.
Fact: Moving on means you’ve accepted your loss - but that’s not the same as forgetting. You can move on with your life and keep the memory of someone or something you lost as an important part of you. In fact, as we move through life, these memories can become more and more integral to defining the people we are.
