It’s a cool breezy day and you wake up feeling happy about how things are going in your life. Unfortunately, your happiness lasts for an hour only as ‘that’ friend of yours, who always has something bad happening to her, is messaging you about her problems again.
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It’s a cool breezy day and you wake up feeling happy about how things are going in your life. Unfortunately, your happiness lasts for an hour only as ‘that’ friend of yours, who always has something bad happening to her, is messaging you about her problems again. I might sound like the Wicked Witch of the West when I say this, but the fact is, the mood of the company you surround yourself with, highly affects your temperament. Hence, often our elders advise us to make friends with people who have a positive approach towards life.
Unfortunately, whether we like it or not, through the course of our lives we will end up running into numerous people who are always whining and complaining. And to be honest, I don’t have any more patience left in me to listen to their woes!
According to the English dictionary, there are two definitions of whiners. The first is, ‘Someone who whines about perceived problems; a complainer’. The second is, ‘To produce a sustained noise of high pitch’; yes, this is exactly what I hear when whiners choose to open their mouth in front of me.
Rest assured, you are not an awful person if you complain because many of us face horrid circumstances once in a while and we need to vent it out somewhere and friends are our saviours. I am just referring to those ‘friends’ who are always complaining over the slightest of issues, constantly spreading their negativity everywhere.
For some reason, God has blessed me with many complainers, and yes the problem lies mostly within me since I have an obsession with healing troubled individuals. But after being alive for thirty years, I have realised a leopard can’t change its spots and that some people enjoy being unhappy. Ungratefulness is just in their DNA!
For instance, my friend Alina* has a habit of hating everything she has and always admiring and wanting things that others have. I listen to her go on and on about wanting a job at a particular place, and then have her eat my ear off when she gets that job because the work she has to do there is ‘tough’. I have to hear her complain about the weather, her friend’s boyfriends; the oiliness in her food and even about that dark brown lizard in her toilet which she feels is out to get her.
Moreover, I have to listen to her whine about how rich she is. Ever heard of that one? I suppose not! Yes, instead of just giving out charity since she has too much money on her hands, she chooses to complain about how sad the unequal distribution of wealth makes her feel.
And you know what really cracks me up? If I go to her with my problems, she says she will listen to them only once I am done listening to her issues. And of course her problems are never ending so I see my turn approaching only in the next 20 years. Hence, out of utter frustration, I want to give a reality check to all the whiners out there - whining does not change the circumstances that you are in, but annoys others to the core. In short you will only end up losing friends and those who love you.
Do you know a really close friend or cousin who is constantly complaining? Chronic complainers or whiners are not inherently bad people by any means, but they can be annoying, disruptive, and rude. Here are a few tips on how to make them realise that there is much more to life than just being disappointed...
1. Being positive
What you need to do is explain to your friend that no one and no situation is or can be ‘perfect’. Make them realise that changing the situation is not always possible, but acceptance is the way to go. If the moaner is really upset about something, stop him/her for a minute and ask them to make a list of things that are grateful for and all the amazing people that exist in their life. Of course, this is far easier said than done, but with positivity and a little patience this is quite possible.
2. Learning to adapt
The only sure thing about life is that nothing stays the same. Change is coming whether anyone likes it or not and some changes are bound to rattle, but hey, that’s life and it would be quite dull if it remained. An effective way, for both you and the whiner, is to accept and adapt to certain situations. Allow your friend or acquaintance to have a period of grieving - sometimes setting a daily time to be sad about the change can be helpful. Acceptance of a situation helps one to adapt positively to life’s changes.
3. Be less judgmental
Everyone makes mistakes and being critical leads to complaining. It is simply impossible to be in control of every situation. The best way is to try and lower the stress of the complainer and let him simply roll with the consequences. Encourage them to compliment themselves and others, acknowledge a job well done, and train to be less judgmental.
4. Be more mindful
The past can never be changed and worrying about the future is futile. And as a friend you have to make the whiner understand that complaining about either is a pointless exercise. You will have to put some extra effort and persuade them to live in the present and learn to graciously accept all that life has to offer. Ask them take up yoga, as it is a great exercise to help calm racing thoughts and be more positive.
5. Move on
Have you heard the phrase ‘this too shall pass’? Yes, life goes on. Remember, if you want your complainer friend or acquaintance to stop whining then help them understand that the obstacles in life shouldn’t keep one from moving onward. Sure, there are people and situations that will be annoying, but this is no excuse to dwell on the negativity.
