Contrary to the popular belief that marriage is the ultimate happiness, there are independent women in our society who find bliss in being ‘single’....
Contrary to the popular belief that marriage is the ultimate happiness, there are independent women in our society who find bliss in being ‘single’....
Our society is pre-dominantly fascinated by the idea of ‘marriage’. Girls, from a very young age, are told how beautiful they would look in a bridal dress. The moment a girl is born in a family, her parents - especially her mother - begin dreaming about her marriage. This way of thinking has been infiltrated in our society so much that the ultimate happiness of a girl relies on getting married. From a stay-at-home graduate to a CEO of a multinational firm, every girl is made to think about her future - read marriage.
Across the world, marriage has become a common yardstick to measure a girl’s happiness. Every element of society encourages marriage. From fairy tales to theatre plays to big budget movies, marriage is glamourised. Researches are being made to find out how happy a married couple is.
However, it is unfortunate that single people, especially women, are not given an opportunity of being heard. On the other side of the spectrum, there are a huge number of households where women are living in troubled marriages only because they cannot live a life being ‘single’ in this society. In fact, parents prioritise in-laws’ wishes over their daughter’s happiness/well-being out of the fear that a small objection would break the marriage apart.
It is ironic that our society has suppressed voices of dissent. Everyone is blindly following the old traditions.
It is bizarre that a girl in her 20s is considered perfect to become a bride. The heavens come falling down if a girl reaches the age of 25 and no proposals come by. Women share ‘totkas’ and verses to be recited to get a suitable proposal at the earliest. In this way, the self-esteem of young girls is badly damaged. They are made to think that there has to be some kind of fault in them which is deterring their happiness. From skin whitening treatments to hitting the gyms, these girls do whatever they can to get a good proposal. They dress up for strangers and let themselves be evaluated by someone’s mother or sister or aunt. In today’s age, boys and girls are asked to meet and talk and try to work things out between themselves. Saying ‘No’ to a girl is quite common, but if a girl declines to get married to the perfect bachelor in town, all hell breaks loose. Why can’t we let girls decide what they want to do on their own?
Various studies show that in their 20s, people have the highest intellectual capabilities. The age which can be spent in studies or at work is wasted in the name of traditions and culture. Those who believe that a woman must marry are actually ‘anti-woman’. They think that the role of a woman is to get married, fulfil her husband’s desires, make babies and stop taking out time for herself. There are a large number of women across the world who have created ripples in business, fashion, journalism, etc and been living as single women, ‘happily’.
Have you ever come across a situation where the mother of a 23-year-old boy is worried sick because her son is not married ‘yet’? Have we seen any parent collecting valuable items like a car or property for their unmarried 18-year-old son? Why women should be judged on a different spectrum. If marriage is a sacred bond between two souls, why one of the two has to be of a certain age?
Asking someone to sign a marriage contract under pressure is the worst thing to do. Why should we let a certain group of thinkers define what happiness is? Why should we let others tell us what are we ought to and ought not to do? Why can’t we have the liberty to make decisions on our own? This is why it has now become a necessity to hear the voice of the voiceless.
*Beena Danish is an employee at management level in a cellular company. According to her, “I am a graduate from one of the European universities. I have lived with people having different ethnicities. I like how same we are. So, when my mom showed stubbornness and asked me to start thinking about my marriage, I gave in to her demands. Instantly, proposals started getting in. However, I felt suffocated when I observed lack of mental compatibility between the guy and me. Some were not okay with my status of a working woman. They felt insecure, to be honest. When things started going out of my hands, I had a discussion with my mother. I said it out loud, ‘I don’t want to get married’. Her reaction was not what I had expected. It was worst, but I told her how unhappy I would be if I got married.
In our country, parents do not understand it straight away. My relatives taunted my mom for not being able to ‘control me’. But, I remained stern. If I am not comfortable in spending a couple of hours with a man, how would I be able to spend my entire life with him? Truth be told, it is difficult to explain why you have chosen to remain single, but nothing matters if your heart is at rest.”
*Fatima Rehana, a school teacher, was a bit hesitant to share her story, but she agreed on the point that conservative and one-sided thinking needs to be broken. “Unconventional views are often greeted with criticism. I am glad that young girls these days have a lot of help and guidance. When I was young, we didn’t have any exposure to the media and the likes. It was not easy to discuss ‘these topics’ with parents, but my mother was ahead of her time. She never made a decision in haste. Unfortunately, she passed away when I was in my 20s, but I followed her example. I looked at every situation through her eyes. I had seen her sufferings. I had seen her pain. I always marvelled at the courageous woman who happened to be my mother. So, I decided that I will not let a man give me his name against my inherited jewellery or my house. I am okay on my own. My two sisters are married with children. I love spending time with my nieces and nephews but in all honesty, I have never regretted my decision,” shares Rehana.
Similar is the case of *Kiran Ahmed who is also a school teacher. “Is marriage as sacred as they say? Hell, no! Women have been treated as an object since ages. They are considered as an ornament to adorn a man’s life. There is no identity of a woman. She has come down to be someone’s wife. There are a lot of men - I can name some in my family - who never got married, but they are never questioned. No one even gossips about them. On the contrary, a single woman is always considered a damsel in distress. According to the society’s norms, it is a prime responsibility of the entire country to get these women out of depression and find a perfect match. It is all nonsense. I don’t have any reason for not marrying. I did not want to get married. Simple! Why should I explain my choices? Has a married woman ever written long paragraphs explaining the reason for getting married? Let’s talk about my unhappiness - as people like to call it - once you have a tool to measure the happiness of married women, I will be happy to know that,” stresses Ahmed.
Every individual has a unique set of mental filters. What is fun for one might be a nuisance to the other. Therefore, a person should be independent enough to make his/her life choices. Why is there a need to impose our perceptions on others? It is time to think out of the box. It is time to accept the unconventional.
Note: *Names have been changed to retain privacy
