The burdens of life fall on the middle-aged. You are looking after your children, your parents, yourselves. You are working as you will probably never work again in older age and probably harder than you did when you were younger.
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The burdens of life fall on the middle-aged. You are looking after your children, your parents, yourselves. You are working as you will probably never work again in older age and probably harder than you did when you were younger. You are also having to be on call a lot, time wise, so your days are long and your purse is stretched. This is almost universally the case, regardless of whether you live in Pakistan or England.
New research suggests that human wellbeing hits a low point in our early 40s - and then starts to pick up again. It has found that that life satisfaction gradually declines from early adulthood to its lowest point between the ages of 40 to 42, before rising again until the age of 70.
What is a midlife crisis?
The phrase ‘midlife crisis’ was first introduced by Elliot Jaques in 1965, and used extensively by Freudian psychologists like Carl Jung. It was described as a normal period during the lifespan, when we transition from young people to older adults. During this time, adults evaluate their achievements, goals, and dreams against what they had wished for in the past, and what stage they are facing in life.
Women and mid-life crisis:
Buying an expensive sports car, getting some fancy bling, and getting Botox injections: What do these three behaviours have in common? They may be signs that someone is having a midlife crisis. A midlife crisis happens to many men and women, often between the ages of 35 and 55. While men commonly enter a midlife crisis as a result of their career dissatisfaction, women often come to the problem because of concerns about their appearance. A midlife crisis is undeniably painful and can be destructive, but it can also serve as a vital wake-up call, particularly for women. According to research, the most profound difference in attitude between men and women going through middle age is that women are twice as likely to be hopeful about the future.
Symptoms of a woman’s midlife crisis:
A woman is more likely to feel unstable in midlife as a result of family problems, feelings that she hasn’t met her standards or goals as a parent, or because earlier goals have been shoved aside. A woman going through a midlife crisis may become very emotional. Mood swings and depression are not uncommon during this period. If the woman is experiencing menopause, there may also be hormonal changes that are contributing to these feelings.
Some women going through a midlife crisis may surround themselves with younger friends. Some women having a midlife crisis commit infidelity, or file for divorce. These women crave respect, attention, and affection from a new partner.
Less acute symptoms may be boredom, a feeling of worthlessness, loneliness and lack of meaning, depression and anxiety. Or drinking too much, repeatedly changing jobs or partners, or obsessively shopping but never quite finding the satisfaction you are looking for. It could be triggered by divorce, a serious illness, redundancy, an empty nest, the loss of a parent.
Address the issue and move on:
Several books lend weight to the idea that while a midlife crisis is undoubtedly a personal trauma, it can also be a rebirth. A midlife crisis can be an unexpected gift. This critical time can herald the dawning of a new, more vital, life for you and your relationship. But this does not just happen. Significant reinvention of your life requires perspective, skill, courage, and responsible commitment. Here’s a handy guide to survival:
Give yourself a break: “What have I achieved?” is a constant lament of millions suddenly shocked to discover themselves qualifying as ‘middle-aged’. We can all have brainwashed into us ideas as to what we should own or have achieved by a certain age. Who says a forty-year-old should own a house or have a family? Or have travelled to the ends of the Earth?
Forget about what you think you haven’t done and appreciate what you have. The notion that possibilities slip away with age is based on a false premise. We are living longer; understanding more about health and fitness; and creative, business, and personal fulfilment often just begin to manifest after, not before, middle age.
Take time for yourself: At midlife, you can take the time to figure out who you are and how you want to live the rest of your life. Think about the things you wanted to try earlier in your life, and reconsider these. It’s not too late to go back to school, join a special interest group or change careers. With careful thought and planning, many things are possible! A midlife crisis for women can be the perfect time to do what you’ve always wanted.
Don’t have an affair: Yes, your partner might not be quite as gorgeous as he once was, but take a look in the mirror. You are no oil painting yourself. So don’t embarrass yourself by hanging out with people a lot younger than you. Or by imagining that they fancy you.
Treat your body right: It’s oh-so tempting to eat what we want, drink what we want, do what we want. After all, when you’re in emotional pain, don’t you need some sort of physical treat? No. No, you don’t. What you need is a body that’s in peak physical condition so it can help you battle those unpleasant emotional monsters. Eat your veggies, don’t drink too much, get rest, exercise. No excuses.
Find a new activity: Doing the same things over and over and over again can be emotionally draining (and damaging). If things aren’t what you thought they would be, if you want your life to be different, you have to make it different. Subtract an activity that’s bringing you down and add in an activity that will bring you up. Not sure what will bring you up? Try lots of different things ‘til you find a perfect fit.
Allow yourself to feel loss: If you’ve invested a lot of time and energy in your family over the years, you may experience feelings of loss at midlife. For many women, this is part of a midlife crisis! And, the anatomical changes that take place at midlife can also be disconcerting. Wanting the body you had at 20 or 30 is perfectly normal. Allowing yourself to feel a sense of loss is healthy and is one of the best ways to survive the 50s.
Look to the future: Remember the chap who pinned together the words ‘midlife’ and ‘crisis’, Elliott Jaques? As mentioned, he was 48 when he invented the midlife crisis phrase - something else for us to worry about. Anyway, his life didn’t stop at 48. Between then and his death aged 86 in 2003, he got married, wrote 12 books, acted as a consultant to the Church of England and the U.S. Army, and produced some of his most original ideas.
