In an exclusive interview with You! Mariam Navaid Ottimofiore, author of ‘The Guilty Can’t Say Goodbye’, shares her fascinating journey of writing. Read on...
Mariam Navaid Ottimofiore is an author, writer, speaker, researcher, and economist. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Economics and Political Science from Mount Holyoke College in Massachusetts, US, and she specialised in Economic Development at the University of Sussex, UK. Her corporate career saw her work in different roles, from investment banking in the US to an Economist in oil trading in Denmark.
Mariam made a huge career change to a full-time writer in 2012 when she moved to Singapore as an expat partner. She has been the Content Editor for Fuchsia Magazine Singapore, and her expat writing has been published in Expat Connect Dubai, Global Living Magazine, Expat Living Singapore, Expat Living Hong Kong, The Huffington Post and other publications. Her debut non-fiction book ‘This Messy Mobile Life’ was released worldwide on Amazon and Barnes & Noble.
‘The Guilty Can’t Say Goodbye’ is her second book, but her debut novel, which is her unofficial love letter to Portugal. A place where guilt, secrets and the complexities of human relationships are all hidden beneath the surface of endless sunshine, broad smiles and water views. But when three expat women move their families to Portugal, desperately hoping for a fresh start, they soon realise there’s no escaping your past, no matter how far you travel.
Mariam is also a regular speaker at international organisations and corporations around the world such as the United Nations World Food Program (UNWFP), Volkswagen Global Mobility Program, and the Forum for Expatriate Management.
To date, Mariam has lived in ten countries: Bahrain, United States, Pakistan, United Kingdom, Germany, Denmark, Singapore, United Arab Emirates, Ghana and Portugal. Passionate about languages and cultures, Mariam speaks fluent Urdu, English, Hindi, and German, with some Italian, Danish, Arabic, Twi, and Portuguese.
She currently lives in Cascais, Portugal with her German-Italian husband and her German-Pakistani-Italian kids, born in Singapore, Dubai, and Lisbon. Mariam has featured in various media platforms over the past 15 years including Oprah Winfrey’s Network (OWN) Super Soul Sunday. In an exclusive interview with You! Mariam Navaid Ottimofiore shares her fascinating journey of writing. Read on...
You! Tell us about your early life?
Mariam Navaid Ottimofiore: I always joke that I was born into expat life. At the time of my birth in 1982, my Pakistani parents were living and working in Bahrain. My mom flew back to Pakistan to give birth to me in her home country and to be close to family, so I am proud to be born in Pakistan. My early childhood was spent growing up in Manama (Bahrain), New York City (USA), and then Karachi (Pakistan). These experiences exposed me to new cultures and languages. As a child, I was addicted to reading books about kids going on adventures. Little did I know this would be my own life one day.
You! You have lived in 10 different countries, what does your life journey look like to you?
MNO: Yes, so far, I have lived in four continents and ten countries. My life journey has been one of facing constant transition and living on the move. Initially, the reason for my globally mobile life was my father’s career in banking, due to which we moved around the world. When I was 18, I left Pakistan to move back to the US and then the UK for my own studies and my career. After I got married, I moved to Germany for love, as that is where my husband is from. And currently, I keep moving due to my husband’s career in international shipping, which sees us posted to a new city with a big port in a new country, every few years.
You! Do you find it exciting living in different worlds and cultures?
MNO: I am definitely addicted to living in different corners of the world and find that the growth, learning and self-discovery are the best parts about this journey. I am also endlessly fascinated by learning new cultures and find that my world-view is constantly evolving and changing. I will also add that exposing my three children to new languages and cultures is a huge gift, which is an opportunity we are immensely grateful for.
You! You have a corporate career, what made you interested in writing?
MNO: Yes, I have a degree in Economics and Political Science and enjoyed a corporate career in my twenties. Even while working in investment banking in Houston or as an economist in oil trading in Copenhagen, I was always writing on the side. In those days, I was doing a lot more business writing and in fact, I co-authored an economics book on South Asian economies along with a college professor and other students. But constantly moving to a new country and then trying to find a job in finance took a toll on me and when I moved to Singapore in 2011, unemployed and five months pregnant with our first child at the age of 29, I knew the time had come to give up my corporate career (and those long hours) and focus full time on building a writing career.
You! What inspired you to write your debut novel ‘The Guilty Can’t Say Goodbye’?
MNO: My novel was inspired by my time living in Portugal and by this notion that we get a ‘clean slate’ at life each time we move. But do we and can we ever escape our past? When you move to a new place, there is a certain pleasure in anonymity; we can be whoever we want to be. As a writer, I was interested in what aspects of our identity do we share with others and equally what parts of our personality and history or past do we keep hidden or secret? This is what prompted me to explore the themes of dealing with guilt, keeping secrets, forming life-changing friendships and leading to the central theme of the novel: can moving abroad give us the courage to embrace and accept our true authentic self and come to terms with who we used to be and who we are becoming?
You! What is the story line of your novel?
MNO: Set against a colourful international backdrop, this novel is a testament to the power of forgiveness, redemption, and the enduring bonds of friendship. With ‘The Guilty Can’t Say Goodbye’, I wanted to explore the universal themes of longing and belonging against the backdrop of a multicultural world. Through the journeys of Fatima, Kate, and Abena, readers will embark on an emotional rollercoaster that traverses continents and delves deep into the human experience.
You! How is your novel structured?
MNO: The novel has a dual timeline – it is set in present-day Portugal but through the characters, you also go back in time to their past lives and thus certain chapters are set in Karachi, Houston, Dubai, Singapore, Copenhagen, Berlin, Brighton and Accra. It is also a multi-POV novel; there are three points of view of the three women who are the main characters in the novel - a Pakistani writer named Fatima, an American diplomat named Kate, and a Ghanaian entrepreneur named Abena. As the plot thickens, you get to read about it through these three different perspectives.
You! Could you tell us a little bit about your path to publication? From the itch of writing, the seed of an idea – through to finding an agent and being published?
MNO: The idea for this novel came into my head in 2021 while roaming the streets of Lisbon. I was looking for a café to meet a friend but had gotten lost. I instantly knew I wanted to set a novel here in these crooked and winding streets, oozing with history, culture and untold stories. But I didn’t start writing it till January 2022 as I felt I needed to brush up on the basics of story structure, novel writing, plot, character development, pacing and more, so I took a few online courses. This was an important step as my first book ‘This Messy Mobile Life’ which was published in 2019 is non-fiction, and I found making the jump from writing non-fiction to fiction incredibly hard.
I then gave myself just one goal for 2022: to write the first draft of the novel. 2023 was spent going through intense rounds of developmental editing with an editor, revisions, getting feedback from beta readers and some more editing and rewriting. I also started querying and pitching. I wanted to pitch directly to small and medium-sized publishers and avoid going the route of finding an agent as that can take awfully long and my goal was to publish the book while I was still living in Portugal. In the end, I published with Springtime Books in the UK who specialise in expat literature written for expats and by expats, which was a great fit for the novel. The first few months of 2024 were spent on production, final proofreading, copy editing and design and finally ‘The Guilty Can’t Say Goodbye’ was published worldwide on April 20th, 2024.
You! For you, what makes a great story?
MNO: Great stories are not just those that entertain us, but also those that teach us or inspire us to see the world in a different or a new way. Great stories engage us emotionally and continue to ‘speak’ to us, long after the last page is read.
You! How have readers received your work so far?
MNO: I have been humbled by the response of readers all over the world. From the excitement of tagging me on Instagram when they receive a copy in their hands, to sending me detailed feedback and reviews on their favourite quotes, characters and parts, it has truly been incredible to receive the feedback from readers. So many readers have requested a sequel as they want to continue following the journeys of Fatima, Kate and Abena. Many have suggested a spin off sequel for Kate as well, as she was deemed the most intriguing yet flawed character in the book.
You! Do you have a writing routine?
MNO: After many years of writing, I feel like I’ve finally got a writing routine that works for me. The key for me has been to structure my day and week to include all the tasks that a writer needs to do, including sitting at a café and indulging in people watching, staring into space and letting your mind be creative, writing at my desk and eating too many biscuits, and taking care of admin, emails, book marketing and bookish events.
This is why I don’t write every day. I write three times a week (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday) and I guard my writing time protectively and say no to all other demands on my time. On a given day, I would write anywhere from a thousand to three thousand words in the morning while my kids are at school.
I then keep Thursday for admin and my monthly Lisbon Writers Group meetings, and Friday I keep for ending the week on a creative note. I might schedule a coffee with a friend or simply go out by myself on an ‘artist date’ because getting out, observing people and places, and having conversations is extremely important for a writer. My writing routine has been heavily influenced by the book ‘The Artists Way’ by Julia Cameron, which I highly recommend to any aspiring writer.
You! Having lived in multi-cultural societies, what common factors did you find in people of the world?
MNO: I think we all have more in common than we think. I found that whether I was living in Denmark or in Ghana, people wanted to live in safety, security and sustainability. I was always able to find people who shared the same values as I did such as valuing multiculturalism and multilingualism in both Dubai and Singapore. This then led to other values in common such as empathy, respect for other cultures and beliefs and inviting others to participate in our holidays and traditions.
You! So far what’s the best place/country you have ever lived?
MNO: This is a really difficult question to answer. It’s like choosing my favourite child. I will say that the place I most enjoyed living in was Accra, Ghana, not because it was the easiest but because it taught me the most. I had never lived in this corner of West Africa before, so each day was an adventure which I embraced whole heartedly. I fell in love with Ghanaian culture, textile, fabrics and more and you’ll see all this reflected in my novel as well. I am currently based in Portugal, near Lisbon in a sea-side town called Cascais. I have been living here for the past four years and this is my lovely home these days.
You! If given a chance of settling down at one place for the rest of your life, which place would it be?
MNO: The idea of ‘settling down’ somewhere both excites me and paralyses me. It would be venturing into the unknown for someone like me, who’s always been on the move. It is equally hard to think of one place as the perfect place to settle down. My experience of living around the world has taught me that no place is perfect, it’s just what we make out of it that is most valuable. Our happiness is never location-specific. I will say that some place I would like to live (although I don’t know if that would be long term) is Italy.
You! What advice you can give to women?
MNO: Dream big. Dream so big that your dreams will consume you and keep you up at night. But remember to follow up your dreams with hard work and consistency.
You! What is your favourite subject which is close to your heart?
MNO: I think one of my favourite subjects is talking about the ‘other expats’; those who move to a new country without any economic privilege or passport privilege. Such as the many Pakistani ‘migrant workers’ in Dubai who are working as gardeners, construction workers and taxi drivers. Why am I called an expat, and why are they simply a migrant worker? The difference lies in our economic status, but language parity is important as is raising awareness of all the things we share in common. I have written many articles and blog posts on this topic called ‘The Other Expats’ for anyone who’s interested in reading more. I have also recorded their experiences and shared them at global mobility conferences in the Netherlands to raise awareness of their experiences. So, I would say that analysing privilege in the expat world is definitely a subject which is close to my heart.
You! What are your 5 favourite books?
MNO: ‘My Family and Other Animals’ by Gerald Durrell; ‘Pride & Prejudice’ by Jane Austen; ‘Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Amongst Worlds’ by Ruth Van Reken and Michael Pollock; ‘Exit West’ by Mohsin Hamid and ‘Homegoing’ by Yaa Gyasi.
You! What did you like to read when you were a little girl?
MNO: I loved to read books like ‘My Family and Other Animals’ by Gerald Durrell which is a tale of moving to a new country but told through a child’s eyes. In this book, ten-year old Gerald relates the adventure of his family’s move from rainy UK to the sunny Greek island of Corfu in the 1930’s with incredible wit, humour and honesty which left such an imprint on my heart and mind as an eleven-year-old reading this book in Karachi. Many years later, 27-year-old Mariam sat at the Copenhagen Airport, giddy with excitement to board her flight to Corfu, a place I had been dreaming of visiting since a young girl. The first thing I did was go see the Strawberry Pink Villa!
You! You are well versed in Urdu, English, Hindi and German, have you thought of writing in Urdu?
MNO: Yes, I speak several languages fluently and have learned many more such as Danish, Mandarin, Arabic, Twi, Italian and Portuguese. I am passionate about teaching my kids Urdu especially while living abroad to maintain their ties to Pakistan, and I have thought of writing in Urdu many times. Given that my academic language has been English throughout my life, it is natural to write in English, but Urdu is such a poetic language, and I have dabbled in multilingual poetry to try and capture the linguistic diversity that I have been lucky to be exposed to. So, you might see more from me on this topic in future.
You! In today’s techno world, are people still interested in reading and buying books?
MNO: Definitely. People are still interested in reading and buying books, but I do think that today there are so many more demands on our time and many people might choose Netflix over a book, so I think people’s reading time has been shortened. For someone like me, who equates reading with breathing, I hope that people continue reading whether it’s a physical book or on their Kindle or it’s an audio book. Books are life.
You! What is your advice to aspiring writers?
MNO: Get as much feedback on your writing as possible. Opening up ourselves to critique and feedback can be scary and uncomfortable but it can be such a huge game changer in elevating your work to a professional standard. I recommend aspiring writers to join a writer’s group, (whether online or in person) and to be a part of the writing community as you will learn so much which will help you get your work ready to be queried and published. I also recommend listening to podcasts such as ‘The Shit No One Tells You About Writing’ and joining groups such as the Women’s Fiction Writers Association (WFWA) for courses, training and connections in the writing world.
You! When you’re not working, what are some of your favourite ways to relax?
MNO: I love to cook and try out new recipes. I also love to travel, go on long walks in nature, catch up with friends and spend quality family time with my kids. We go on bike rides, family picnics and are always planning our next trip.
You! How do you balance work and family life?
MNO: I have three children aged twelve, nine and four so being a mother to them is my other full-time job. Having three kids at very different stages in life means they keep me on my toes. My husband travels a lot for work, so often I am solo parenting which can be hectic. It is always a tough act to juggle motherhood with a professional life, but I draw clear boundaries and aim not for work-life balance because I don’t think that exists, but rather I aim for work-life harmony, which is a more realistic goal; to have different parts of your life complement each other and not be in competition with each other.
You! What’s next on your agenda?
MNO: I am booked till the end of 2024 with book events, giving book talks and promoting my novel internationally. Slowly, new ideas are also starting to germinate in my head, but I won’t start working on them till 2025.
‘The Guilty Can’t Say Goodbye’ is available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble, online. In Pakistan, it is available at Liberty Books in-stores and online. https://www.libertybooks.com
You can follow Mariam’s writing by visiting her website, mariamnavaidottimofiore.com
Instagram @mariam.navaid.ottimofiore
