According to my mother, this odd phenomenon is normal. She says brides cry because they are afraid of the new home they will be living in....
opinion
Days before a wedding takes place, the to-be brides are known to cry and throw tantrums around the house. According to my mother, this odd phenomenon is normal. She says brides cry because they are afraid of the new home they will be living in.
But when the time for my wedding arrived, I was not stressed. Neither was I throwing tantrums around the house. This may have been because I was not moving in with my in-laws; instead, I was starting a life with my hubby, someone I had known for 8 years. Hence, the switch from my parents’ house to moving in our own apartment seemed like a piece of cake.
Little did I know, our brain has a soul of its own, and it begins to throw tantrums when subjected to change. For the first few weeks in my new house, I would find every excuse in the book to run back to my old house. Whether it was meeting my dog, picking my clothes, or simply looking for a space to complete a crucial assignment.
Yes, I took up a high-paying assignment that was supposed to be submitted three days after my wedding. But I only had the luxury of doing so because I was lucky enough not to be living with my in-laws. Hence, I knew no hurdle (guest) would arise in my path.
But apart from sharing a space with someone else’s parents, I realised that coping with sharing a space with someone you love takes time too. I started missing my old room, and the time I spent alone - just staring into space. I missed making a mess in the room, and desperately craved the time when I would eat chips on my bed and spill them on the bedsheet. Needless to say, these petty issues led to a few fights, but those too were easily sorted out.
However, I would like to point out that I managed to avoid different kinds of fights because my husband and I are not controlling and suffocating. For instance, I didn’t stop him from going out with tea with friends at 11 pm just because I was there. I didn’t blow up when his friends came over and stayed till 4 am. Neither did he have an issue with me continuing my regular work and gym lifestyle.
As far as food is concerned, we are both independent in ordering and eating what we want. But yes, we weren’t able to sort out the issue of who watches what on TV. So, the solution I proposed was adding a TV to the bedroom, or just watching what I want separately on my laptop. If you are married, you already know every couple experiences similar problems.
But what I didn’t expect was the constant concern for my parents and my other home. Even when I am out late in the night, I find myself thinking about them and wondering if they are safe. And these worries arise even though I meet them every day. This constant worry led me to feel extremely sorry for the women who leave their parents and meet them once a week, once a month, or even once a year.
Most importantly, it made me realise how heavenly life is without in-laws residing with you. This is why I urge every female I meet to at least have a separate portion for themselves in the house, so they know what building their own home feels like. If you have your own space, you will be at peace and will have ample time to explore and build your relationship with your husband. Last but not least, you won’t feel the urge to pop out a baby just so you can be a ‘family’. I believe it’s about time women realised that once a couple gets married, they ARE a family. Children are not required to complete them, nor should a baby be birthed out of pressure.
My message for women is, no matter how crazy in love you are, don’t forget the reality of things. It is not easy living in a new house with new people. It can give you nightmares if your in-laws aren’t nice. And even if they are nice, having your own space will only build you as a person.
So push forward your demands, and get ready for a happy married life ahead. Also, never eat chips on the bed.
The writer can be reached at fatimaniazi002@gmail.com
