Romance with Reality

Safinah Danish Elahi is a lawyer, novelist and a poet. She has authored two books, a collection of poetry by the name, The Unbridled Romance of Love and Pain and the novel Eye on the Prize. Her next novel, The Idle Stance of the Tippler Pigeon, will be launched in May 2023 in the UK. She is also the founder of Reverie Publishers. She is attending the prestigious International Writers’ Fall Residency 2022 at the University of Iowa. In this interview with You! she talks about her work and appraises the scope of Pakistan’s publishing industry…

You! The blurb to your poetry collection, The Unbridled Romance of Love and Pain, states that the book is an “ode ... [to the]...beauty of the universe and its beings”. Can we assume that the collection is fuelled by an optimistic worldview and avoids the adversities that surround us?

Safinah Danish Elahi: The assumption would be premature. I wouldn’t call beauty optimistic alone; it’s a concept of what beauty is for oneself. There is beauty in love, learning and experiences. But not all experiences are positive. I do believe, however, that they can still be beautiful.

Beauty for me is in contrasts - light and darkness, love and pain. Without pain, there is no love. My collection explores our relationship with ourselves primarily, and the people connected to us and the universe. It expresses the adversities around us: affection and loss; being cheated out of a right; the nervousness that is associated with raising children; and the treasure of finding friendship.

You! How did the title for the collection come about?

SDE: The collection was my way of sharing a small part of myself with the world. I’ve always thought of love as a double-edged sword. The people we love the most are often also the ones who cause us the most pain. And there is a certain romance between the two. When I was thinking of titles, I had narrowed down a few options. But as with everything, I went with my instinct of what resonates best with the collection I was planning to produce. When readers pick up a copy of Unbridled, they not only feel unexpected emotion, but also feel the need to re-read it to understand its themes.

You! You’ve tackled the many shades of ‘romance’ in Unbridled. The poems aren’t just meditations on love, but also ponder the role of self-worth. Did you intend for them to be love poems?

SDE: You may have heard it before, but the love we hold for others is based on the love we show ourselves. We are essentially in a relationship with ourselves before we associate with others at a romantic or familial level or even with everything else in the world. Do the mountains make you feel small or majestic? How does the ocean make you feel? What portion of the universe do you resonate with when you visit a new place or meet a new person?

Through my collection, I’ve written in relation to my own experiences as well as borrowed from the lives of those who may be in pain because of a personal crisis.

You! The poems in your collection are untitled. As a result, they seem to flow into each other. Was this deliberate?

SDE: Yes. I titled all the poems for my personal reference, but removed the titles once I published the collection. I also thought about boundaries and demarcation within the book, but decided against including titles to create these divisions. It seemed too restricted, too labelled.

If I titled the poems ‘Love’ or ‘Friendship’, it would tell too much. Also, who says there can’t be an overlap between love and friendship and discovery and self-love? The human mind is a beautiful mess. As a result, the poems flow into each other. Some people who function more with structure might find it intimidating to experience the poems in their raw form while others may enjoy the open interpretation and see it as a pleasant challenge.

You! What makes writing a novel appear more adventurous than writing poetry?

SDE: Writing a novel is a more rigorous process. What I did with my poetry, was to allow words to flow naturally. When it comes to writing a novel, there is a lot more structure involved: consistency, believability, flow and a balance between dialogue and backstory. I wouldn’t call writing a novel more ‘adventurous’ but like any new territory, it’s exciting to try out new content. With my next novel, I would say, I have decided to be a little more exploratory. I’ve experimented with a more sombre theme, a more complicated narrative.

You! The novelist Nadya AR refers to your first novel, EOTP, as a glimpse into “the pressure and perils of modern-day parenting in a lighter vein.” How do you define the concept of ‘helicopter parenting’ in our society and why is it important to write about it?

SDE: I feel very strongly about this issue as parents today, especially a particular subset whose children attend private schools, are a dangerous species.

EOTP deals with the concept ‘all that glitters is not gold’ and that the ‘prize’ is different for everybody. A parent may be struggling to keep their relationship together while another may be struggling with self-worth. Similarly, another might be grappling with the societal pressure to be ‘popular’ or successful. These issues might sound a tad dramatic but you’ll be surprised how prevalent they are. As a result, the offspring of such parents are often a product of an unusual upbringing. Parents are overbearing and emotionally absent. They may not be intentionally negligent and may sincerely believe that they are providing the best upbringing to their children. However, their privilege makes them unaware of what their child actually needs: emotional intelligence.

Parents think that the best nanny, training and school can prepare their child to compete in the real world. What they don’t realise is that children are like sponges; they absorb things from their environment about the way the world functions around them. What they actually need is love. Regardless of whether they belong to the elite class or otherwise, all children need is love and attention. Just not the kind offered by helicopter parents.

You! In what ways are the characters you’ve conceived in EOTP helicopter parents?

SDE: The three main characters of my novel are Hina, Minahil and Shezray. They belong to the parent body of a fictitious elite school, Karachi International School (KIS). Hina puts her daughter through extensive, expensive after-school tuition, which she cannot necessarily afford, to ensure that she gains admission into the school. In the process, she sacrifices her daughter’s mental health and restrains her from engaging in any kind of extracurricular.

Shezray ‘outsources’ her parenting to a group of nannies, but keeps a vigilant eye on them. Even so, she doesn’t always know how her daughters are holding up.

Minahil is more involved in her children’s lives, but doesn’t let her son’s relationship with his friends flow naturally. Even though she intervenes when her husband is putting too much pressure on their child to win at a sports event, she doesn’t challenge his flawed notion that children must be made to compete in activities they don’t enjoy.

You! In EOTP, Shezray, Minahil and Hina attempt to balance the demands that are imposed on them with the expectations they have for themselves. How did you ensure that their struggle was rendered in a realistic manner?

SDE: The three characters struggle with multiple issues and that is reflected in their parenting styles. The elite are generally seen partying and dressing up, with their children dolled up in designer brands in the images that appear in magazines as well as on social media. I tried to depict their human side and show that while they are privileged, they suffer from a lack of self-worth.

While people may feel their adversities are nowhere near what the ‘real’ struggle of earning a livelihood is, the book reveals that it is unfair to belittle anyone’s problems. Everyone suffers from social anxiety. EOTP is a wake-up call of sorts for readers who belong to this social class as well as those who don’t. It encourages them to realise that something seemingly meaningless can have a strong influence on someone’s life. At the end of the day, we need to decide, no matter how privileged we may be, what truly makes us happy.

You! Do you believe your novel exclusively caters to an elite readership?

SDE: There are a few responses to this question. First, I do not believe that stories about the elite are only targeted at the elite. That’s how commercial fiction works. Why was Crazy Rich Asians such a roaring success? Do we really think all Chinese families live like that? It was considered representative by the Chinese community in the US, even if the overall living standards of people appeared a little far-fetched.

I believe stories about social issues such as sexual/workplace harassment, domestic violence and child abuse - some of which I deal with in my next novel - are immensely important. But I also believe that there should be enough space for entertainment. Why are we comfortable watching elite entertainment on Netflix, but not reading books that achieve the same effect? Why are books criticised for not being relatable but a crime show is perfectly acceptable to watch?

EOTP is a story about parents who have put unnecessary pressure on their children to be perfect, not realising the cost of such behaviour as well as the impact it has on the lives of their children.

I don’t believe that the novel is clichéd at all because we, in Pakistan, have often not seen fiction tackle such themes. I admit that the style I chose may not be the style preferred by a majority of writers. But as writers, we are not restricted to only writing relatable content. If that were the case, writers wouldn’t be dabbling in fantasy or science fiction!

You! Why did you choose to publish in Pakistan? Was it difficult finding a publisher?

SDE: Finding a publisher is never easy. Established authors always tell you not to take rejection to heart. While that’s brilliant advice, a book still needs to be accepted somewhere to be published. I decided to publish in Pakistan because I received an offer and I don’t like to wait for things to happen. I truly believe one needs to take up whatever opportunity opens up and not wait for the two in the bush. As it is, I do believe in developing our own industry. It so happened that my opportunity to publish was in Pakistan. If it didn’t, I wouldn’t have founded Reverie Publishers.

You! What inspired you to start Reverie Publishers? In what ways will it facilitate the revival of fiction publishing in Pakistan?

SDE: I wanted to introduce a platform where I can introduce writers who need guidance to publish. I wanted to be able to publish content that people would be reluctant to take on so I wouldn’t have to advise anyone to wait twenty years before getting published.

We hear people say that literature is dying and creativity is being suppressed. No revival can happen if you don’t take a step in the right direction. I know it’s a drop in the ocean, but for it to be anything, we need to start somewhere.

You! What are your future plans?

SDE: A lot has been happening. Reverie Publishers has some exciting projects coming up. My own novel will be released in the UK in a few months. I’ve also been accepted for the prestigious International Writers’ Fall Residency 2022 at the University of Iowa as the official nomination from Pakistan.

A law graduate from SOAS, London, Taha Kehar is a novelist, journalist and literary critic. He has authored novels ‘Typically Tanya’ and ‘Of Rift and Rivalry’.