I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose....
COMIC RELIEF
* If Con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
* Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
* Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
* If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
* Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
* I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
* Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
* Why is abbreviation such a long word?
* Light travels faster than sound, is that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
* If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
* Isn’t Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
* Can you imagine a world with no hypothetical situations?
* Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.
* Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
* Knives were up sharply.
* Cows steered into a bull market.
* Pencils lost a few points. Hiking equipment was trailing.
* Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.
* Weights were up in heavy trading.
* Light switches were off.
* Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
* Diapers remained unchanged.
* Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
* The market for raisins dried up.
* Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.
* Sun peaked at midday.
* Balloon prices were inflated.
* Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
* And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market
