Gendered aggression

“It seems the world is not a safe place for women. What is happening?” This was a question a young man put forward in front of his parents.

The question is a deep one especially coming from a member of the younger generation, whom the older generation thinks is degenerating compared to the society we live in.

But the violence we are seeing and the increase in incidents is not the fault of the present generation, it is a problem that has always existed. However, the numbers may have increased over the years, especially since the pandemic.

According to UN Women, one in three women worldwide experience physical or sexual violence. The figures before the pandemic were 243 million women and girls, aged 15-49 experienced sexual and/or physical violence by an intimate partner, which has increased since the pandemic. The situation is worse and even more scary in patriarchal societies like ours.

Since the past month, we have had constant bad news – brutal crimes against women, girls, and children in Pakistan have splashed across the media followed by justice hashtags pleading for justice for the increasing number of victims and survivors. All of the cases are crimes of violence in varying degrees. However, the brutality of Noor Mukadam’s murder and the early release of Shah Hussain who stabbed Khadija Siddiqi multiple times has added to the trauma people are experiencing.

Women are understandably scared as they can relate to both Noor and Khadija in different ways. However, the young man’s comment also reveals that men are also concerned about what they see around them. Social media has given them more insight into what is happening than they ever had before. And before moving forward, this generation is not more violent than its predecessor just because it is on social media. Violent people are violent regardless of their interaction with media and social media.

According to Dr Asha Bedar, a clinical psychologist, trainer, and researcher, “With more awareness, social change and changing gender attitudes, many men are feeling a heightened threat. Misogyny and violence and aggression by men towards women though is not new, it’s just that social media has brought it all out more loudly,” observes Bedar who keeps a vigilant eye on violence against women and children.

Impunity for criminals especially of violent crimes and victim’s (survivor’s) vulnerability will cause many young men to alter their outlook on life. These men may try to protect women of their families by suggesting that they try and stay in safer environments. This may not be triggered by misogyny or patriarchal sentiments, but concern.

However, this may not be workable as we have seen even the ‘safety of homes’ is sometimes not safe. There are many angles of this issue like society’s role and impact on personality. How it reacts to the actions of its members and helps to give impunity to an aggressor even if murder is committed.

Tahira Abdullah, renowned human rights and women’s rights activist, social scientist, and supporter of gender equality elaborates, “Let us not generalise the term ‘society’ since Pakistan is heterogeneous, not homogenous. Certainly, the wealthy powerful elite always attempts to defend, justify and rationalise their wrongdoing, including horrific crimes. They use their wealth to ‘privatise’ justice and attempt to buy their way out of accountability – with impunity. There are countless examples of out-of-court ‘settlements’ going against the principles of justice, especially pertaining to gender-based-violence (GBV) crimes.”

Defining the makeup of society, Afia Salam, senior journalist, and media trainer defines, “Who comprise the society? Obviously, your first circle of society are your parents and your extended family and your friends, the people who work with you, who work for you. And if we look at how the events unfolded (in case of Zahir Jaffer) each and everyone in that circle enabled him to do what he did.”

Apart from this, some experts think that society encourages some people, especially men, to express their mannerisms openly and even allow the display of force, anger, and aggression without fear as a sign of masculinity. However, this can be controlled and people can be taught how to communicate and co-exist. Commenting on this Dr Asha Bedar expresses,“As children are learning to communicate, some aggression is natural. This becomes gendered because of the way in which adults around them typically handle it. Aggression and anger are tailored in boys, sometimes even encouraged as a desired masculine trait. Even when signs of violence are seen, they are ignored, seen as normal male behaviour (boys will be boys). The expression of other human emotions is suppressed.”

“At the same time, discriminatory attitudes and behaviours towards girls also teach boys (and girls) that different behaviours and treatment are acceptable. And this is reinforced through various channels – family, stories, religious leaders, popular media, etc. The opposite is done with girls,” she adds.

“Violence and aggression in men are products of many factors, including attitudes (in this case for example, towards women and towards themselves), social learning and the acceptability of violence. Male aggression towards women in our society is a reflection of the ideal of masculinity that they are expected to adhere to. They are socio-politically positioned as powerful and in control of women... and so they act their part. Anything that they see as a threat to this position of power/masculinity must then be subdued, violently if needed,” expresses Dr Bedar.

So, can the law help to keep harmony in society and keep women safe from harm and blame for the crimes committed against them?

Pakistan has several women-centric laws but they don’t seem to be enough to protect them. And it does not help as most women are not aware of them or use them for justice against the crimes.

It is unfortunate that most women bear the blame of crimes committed against them. The apathetic attitude of victim-blaming even after death helps to strengthen the criminal, which points to the society’s patriarchal mindset. Observing this, Tahira elucidates, “In our patriarchal socio-cultural milieu, victim/survivor-blaming and shaming is the norm. It promotes GBV crimes. This obnoxious mindset encourages misogynists like the former Lahore CCPO re. Motorway/Ring-Road gang-rape case (September 2020).”

Speaking with reference to the release of Shah Hussain, Tahira says, “Arrogant sense of entitlement and impunity of the powerful wealthy elite – additionally in this case, an influential father belonging to the legal profession. Such unjust (even reported to be illegal) actions might discourage women from reporting or filing cases for GBV crimes in future.”

It is obvious that the problem of prevalence of aggression and violence in society has many other reasons if we study the murder of Noor Mukadam. And if society keeps quite, it becomes an enabler to the crime.

Sharing her views, Afia Salam opines, “When we talk about an enabling environment as a positive thing, unfortunately in situations like what transpired in between Zahir Jaffer and Noor Mukadam, where that kind of enabling environment allows people like him to think that they can do whatever they want without any consequences, without any kind of a punishment.”

There is an easy way to ensure people are safe from aggressors like Zahir Jaffer. Afia puts it aptly, “I am not a medical specialist, I will not deny that he may have some mental issues but then there comes a responsibility of the parents, of the family, of friends who need to recognise, who need to call out parents who then allow such individuals to have access to others who they can endanger. He murdered her because he was a fiend and he was an entitled person who thought that nobody should be able to say no; anybody who denied him what he wanted deserved the worst punishment – which is what he did in his transaction meted out to Noor,”

“However, saying someone has a mental issue may lead to them being absolved from the blame of a serious crime,” replies Dr Bedar to a question about the relation between aggression and psychology of the society.

“I cannot speak about his symptoms without having seen him or a proper diagnosis. What I can say though is that having a mental illness such as schizophrenia does not mean you become brutally violent. Important to note is that: a) most people with mental illness are not violent.

b) most crimes committed by men towards women are not committed by mentally ill men. We like to label them as such – monsters, psycho, animals – but the fact is that they are men and their actions are propelled by their attitudes towards women. Otherwise, why would their victims be mostly women and girls? Wouldn’t their ‘madness’ also become apparent with other men? And second, why don’t women with mental illness act the same way then? It's because this is an issue of gender and power, not mental illness,” explains Dr Bedar.

So, the question is, what can be done to improve the situation for women?

Tahira Abdullah has some workable suggestions that can be explored to at least start the process. “At least two measures are urgently required:

(1) The State must support victims/survivors of GBV crimes, particularly where there is an imbalance in socio-economic status between the two parties.

(2) The legislatures need to either revise, amend, repeal laws conducive to ‘forgiveness’, ‘compromise’, out of court settlement, unjust alternative dispute resolution (ADR) mechanisms - or, since that appears to be difficult for our non-courageous ruling elites (both civilian and military regimes in the past four decades), it might initially be more pragmatic to take all GBV crimes out of the purview of such laws, thereby ending impunity.”

Dr Asha Bedar recommends, “Parents/other adults can play a big role in changing this. Aggression and violence need to be controlled early. Parents need to make it clear to boys and girls that violence is not ok and simultaneously work on teaching respect through words and role modelling.”

“There is already a lot of aggression in society. Social media has not caused it, but it does provide a place for it to be expressed and to flourish. So, people who already have anger and aggression inside may find support and reinforcement on social media and therefore contribute to the toxic space it sometimes creates. But no, in short, social media does not cause aggression and violence,” she reflects.

Since the past month, we have had constant bad news – brutal crimes against women, girls, and children in Pakistan have splashed across the media followed by hashtags pleading forjustice for the increasing number of victims andsurvivors. All of the cases are crimes of violence in varying degrees. However, the brutality of Noor Mukadam’s murder and the early release of Shah Hussain who stabbed Khadija Siddiqi multiple times has added to the trauma people are experiencing.