You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say “I have no idea how that got stuck in there”....
Your favourite hallucinogen is exhaustion.
You think that caffeine should be available in IV form.
You get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the nicest restaurants.
You believe the waiting room should be equipped with a Valium fountain.
You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say “I have no idea how that got stuck in there”.
Your most common assessment question is “what changed tonight to make it an emergency after 6 (hours, days, weeks, months, years)?
A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, “I’m hanging myself because I’m tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!” Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe.
The husband said, “I thought you were hanging yourself.” She said, “Yes, I am!” The husband replied, “Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?“ She said, “I tried that, but I couldn’t breathe.”
Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain. This captain was very successful at what he did; for years he guided merchant ships all over the world. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains. However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his captain’s quarters and open a small safe. In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside. He would stare at the paper for a minute, and then lock it back up. After, he would go about his daily duties.
For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope.
One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain’s body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captains’ quarters. He opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it. The stunned first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others. Four words were on the paper, two on two lines:
Port Left
Starboard Right
