Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words...
1 I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
2 You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything a tall.
3 I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from holiday. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
4 Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
5 The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.
6 Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer, just send them the following:
Dear [name of the person who signed the rejection letter],
Thank you for your letter of [date of the rejection letter]. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me [job title].
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite [name of the company that sent you this letter]'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting [applicants/manuscripts], I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time.
Therefore, I will initiate [employment] with your firm immediately following [graduation/job change, etc. -- get creative here]. I look forward to working with you.
Best of luck in rejecting future candidates.
Sincerely,
[your name]
