Smile away…

COMIC RELIEF

• What did Mr. and Mrs. Hamburger name their daughter?

Patty!

• Which bird has the worst manners?

Mocking birds.

• What language do pigs speak?

Swine language.

• Where to spaghetti and sauce go to dance?

The meat ball.

• What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

• Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.

That’s just how I roll.

• What did the big flower say to the little flower?

Hi, bud!

• My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.

I told them, “Just you wait!”

• I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger.

Then it hit me.

Truth sets you free

A married man was having an affair with a woman. One day, he stayed at her place till around 8 p.m. As he realized the trouble he would be in, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt.

Confused, she complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you.

I've been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You liar! You've been playing golf!"