Dangerous food

A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago: “The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG.

Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

“But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”

A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, “Wedding cake.”

Words of wisdom

• If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
• Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
• Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
• If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
• My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
• It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
• For every action, there is an equal and opposite government programme.
• If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
• Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
• A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
• Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
• Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
• Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
• By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
• Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
• Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
• No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

Compiled by Usama Rasheed