Let’s put an end to it...

I have left my husband. I am sick of being beaten all the time. Can you help me get a lawyer? I don’t want anything from him... but I want him to keep giving money for my children,” shares Samina, a cleaner who works at several homes to support her two children. Life has been a nightmare for her since she married 10 years ago. Daily beatings began shortly after her marriage but now her patience was wearing thin. Over the years every time her scars showed, her family - especially the women - told her to deal with it, as that was the ‘fate of women’. Samina would have continued like this but her husband had stepped on one raw nerve when he hit her daughter.

“When he hit my seven-year-old daughter, I saw my nine-year-old son who was just sitting and watching it all. That’s when I decided that I wasn’t going let my son become his father,” she tells through clenched teeth.

Samina hails from a poor family in Dadu and she moved to Karachi with her husband a month after her marriage. She was envied by all the other girls her age and she had thought herself to be lucky as well. She believed her life in a big city like Karachi would be full of luxury where she would have a huge house and a car - as she saw on TV sometimes at her uncle’s house. However, her dreams turned into a nightmare when she realised that her husband did not earn a living in Karachi. He expected her to work in houses to earn money, like the wives of all his friends did. All he had to do was collect her salary. “If I had stopped him the first time he had hit me, I think he wouldn’t have raised his hand again,” she thinks aloud. “He had hit me in front of our families and no one said or did anything. It was considered a normal thing between a man and wife.”

Victims of domestic violence are amongst us and they generally suffer in silence according to the ‘social norms’. The cycle of any kind of abuse is hard to break; it is a deep-rooted, multifaceted social problem. In fact, domestic violence is a social epidemic that is allowed to continue right in front of our eyes. A large number of these crimes go undetected and unreported, mainly because the cycle of fear is strong and the victim does not see an outlet so they suffer in silence.

According to the Women, Peace and Security Index 2017-18, “27 percent of women in Pakistan experienced ‘intimate partner or domestic violence in their lifetime’, and only 51 per cent believed they were safe in their communities.” The Human Rights Commission of Pakistan (HRCP) report shows that there were 129 cases of domestic violence against women ‘reported’ in just 2018. No one knows the number of cases that went unreported.

Psychologists believe that domestic violence may also involve psychological issues. One is the ‘critical inner voice’ in which the abusers feel they are not ‘man enough if they cannot control her’ or ‘she is making a fool of you’. Another one is the illusion of connection in a couple where the women believe they are incomplete without their partner and are responsible for their happiness. Therefore most victims continue the way they are or are miserable if they leave their tormentor. Another study by psychologists says that the majority of the victims stay in an abusive relationship due to financial needs; they have nowhere to go and find lack of help from law enforcement. The study also revealed that many do not leave their abusive relationship because they are scared they may get into a worse relationship. Most women cannot seek help because they have been made to believe that domestic abuse, violence is a private matter, and one does not talk about it in society. And most men consider it their right to hit their wives and daughters, and the silence around them only fuels their egos and brutality.

Sadly, this is not just restricted to underprivileged societies but also in privileged and strong societies where people know their rights. Like in Pakistan, there have been instances where women seeking help against domestic violence and abuse have been humiliated. Domestic abuse is often seen as a personal issue between couples. Most people, even the law enforcers, refrain from interfering despite the visible injuries on the woman’s body. Families, especially the women, pressure victims of domestic violence to stay with their abusive partners and try to make it work as it is fate and there is no way out. This has only scared other victims of abuse from speaking up as they find no hope to get support from their families and the law.

There have been incidents in Pakistan when the police has refused to get involved citing that it is a domestic issue and should be ‘resolved’ by the couple inside their home as it is a private matter. This ‘endorsement’ by the law enforcers only adds fuel to the fire, which empowers the abuser who already believes it is his right to abuse his wife to continue.

Women who seek help may feel the wrath of the family and most of society, but she has a right to get help and punish her tormentor. The Law gives her this right. According to Article 25 (2) of Constitution of Pakistan of the fundamental right: “Equality of citizens - (1) All citizens are equal before law and are entitled to equal protection of law. (2) There shall be no discrimination on the basis of sex. (3) Nothing in this Article shall prevent the State from making any special provision for the protection of women and children.” However, the Pakistan Penal Code (PPC) and Criminal Procedure Code (CrPC) does not clearly cover domestic violence. In 2006, the Protection of Women (Criminal Laws Amendment) Act modified several clauses in these two codes.

In 1996, Pakistan ratified The Convention on the Elimination of all Forms of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW) with a declaration making the compliance subject to its Constitution and a reservation under Article 29 para 1; and several others have come into place that address the domestic violence like the ‘Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act, 2005’, ‘Punjab Protection of Women against Violence Act 2016’ and ‘KP Domestic Violence Bill in 2016’. However, in the same year the Council of Islamic Ideological rejected the KP bill declaring most of the clauses as ‘unIslamic’.

Over the years due to the social compliance to domestic abuse and violence despite having laws to provide protection, there was room for a more focused and detailed legal provision for the victims. In 2005, the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act, 2005 was passed which gave relief to the victims that were probably not clearly defined in the other laws.

Article 4 of The Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act, 2005 says: “Domestic Violence includes but is not limited to, all acts of gender based and other physical and psychological abuse committed by an respondent against women, children or other vulnerable persons, with whom the respondent is or has been in a domestic relationship including”.

This clause goes into detail highlighting the types of abuse, as well as that the court can advise counselling for the accused and the aggrieved if the need arises. It also provides that the aggrieved has a right to live in the house and cannot be evicted, be given monetary relief on the orders of the court which may include medical expenses amongst others expenses.

One thing that we need to realise as a society is that violence is not a private matter. The victims need courage to expose their abusers and that courage from their families and then us - the society. There is a need for civil society and religious scholars to step up and educate the masses about legal support systems and their rights. Moreover, the government is responsible for providing free legal aid to curb this social crime as it doesn’t just plague a section of the society.

At times, some celebrities also indulge in domestic violence probably believing their celebrity status will protect them. However, when caught, they contrive stories to convince others of their ‘innocence’. In many cases, they are guilty as charged and only make it worse by not coming clean.

Violence needs to end and it needs to be done from the roots. Such values are taught from an early age at home, and then continue in their surroundings. Parents should understand that they have to treat their children equally and not just allow their sons to be ‘rowdy and rough’ because they are boys. All children must be taught to stand up for the weak and not prey on them. This can be done easily if they have healthy role models since children imitate them.

On an authoritative level, there is a need for a stronger network preferably online that allows women to send private messages to a team trained in law enforcement, counselling, and law to provide support and other help to save them. Punishments to offenders should be heavy fines and include imprisonment for at least three years or more. These should be a norm so that the status of someone - celebrity or commoner - should not hamper the victim from their basic rights against the abuser. We need to change the misogynist and chauvinist nature of our society, and focusing on building stronger but kinder people.