Seems like we are running low on perseverance here. A constant struggle to prove ourselves....
COVER STORY
Your children are not your children.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
Pakistan, 2019.
Seems like we are running low on perseverance here. A constant struggle to prove ourselves, to stand out from the crowd, to fulfil the dreams of our parents, to be successful. A constant struggle to survive. Same old drama, new characters, less patience, more options, more freedom. Some would say it’s the opposite! That their opinions, thoughts, mere presence are suppressed. Basically, two extremes of a continuum creating an identity crisis. Where do we go? Do we persist or do we fail? Do we fight back or do we give up?
Four million students graduate every year. 18 years of education teaching them the only sensible next step is to seek employment, preferably at an MNC. There’s only one hiccup, though: there are not enough jobs in the industry to accommodate each and every single of the four million brilliant individuals. And if one of us happens to have an idea for a startup, leaving the comfort of a paid job, are we letting our parents down by not fulfilling their ambitions? Are we rebelling against the society which does not support the startup culture, especially if the founders are girls? But, things have changed, right?
Life’s never been easy
True that. It’s not a bed of roses, never has, never will be. And that’s exactly the thing to understand! To hear elders saying “oh our generation had to face such problems, too” or “man up and move on” does more damage than good. There are new stressors and the last thing the youth needs right now is to be reprimanded for how they deal with them.
Raise wholesome children
According to Dr Ayesha Mian, of AKUH, “Our parents, our school system, our whole society is doing a great disservice to our young population by constantly focusing on schools and academic achievements.
From the minute the children come home, they are quizzed about their studies and performances at school. ‘How much did you score in test today?’ or ‘Is your friend getting the same grade?’ Nobody asks these children if they, for instance, helped out somebody that day. It’s when you look at the numbers, you see how huge the problem is – nearly 100 million of our population is under 24; estimates show about 20 million children need psychiatric help and there are only four adolescent psychiatrists in Pakistan.
“Incidentally, it’s not just the curriculum or the race to come first. Career options are no longer concentrated on medicine, engineering and MBA, which were the only acceptable professions previously. For better or worse, kids these days are well connected and know they are not isolated unlike their ancestors; they know what it is like to live in Ireland or Norway or Switzerland or the USA. Which means there’s a constant comparison, a constant pressure. They see a 19 year old on YouTube buying a million-dollar mansion for his parents and they think it should be them!”
Social problems leading to mental distress
Dr Murad Moosa of AKUH suggests: “Our priority must be the social problems plaguing Pakistan. 50 years of investing in family planning programmes, sinking millions of dollars have not slowed it down, because at the base of it is poverty and lack of education. Given the current scenario, the housing, law and order, poor health system, etc. affect the mental health of our population to the extent they become clinically depressed, which is one of the most common causes of all suicides. On one hand, the prevalence rates of depression and anxiety are very high and, on the other hand, we just don’t have the numbers to meet the demand. We only have between 400 and 450 psychiatrists (and probably a similar number of psychologists) in the county. Most of them are limited to large cities, like Karachi, Faisalabad, Islamabad, and Lahore, while we know the majority of population lives outside the cities.”
Results from a study he conducted showed that majority of suicide cases were of young men, those who were single; those who lived outside Karachi and had come to the metropolitan to seek employment, and, therefore, did not have social support; those who were either underemployed or unemployed. So we have this group of people who left their safe home environment to earn a living as per socio-economic reasons and eventually became clinically depressed. There was another group – of young married women stressed by the way society is structured around marriage and joint family system. Pressure to have children early on in marriage; to give up their careers; to have male offspring; problems with in-laws were commonly cited reasons for them to inflict self-harm; some of them actually died.
Pakistani startup ecosystem
Those who want to set up their own business have to face a lot of challenges, many of them having to do with a weak ecosystem. We have very few startups that began from the scratch and now have a capital of half a billion dollars. With increasing use of technology – estimates suggest there’ll be nearly 60 million smartphone users by 2020 and 3G/4G networks will be available for almost 80 percent of Pakistan – the industry is surely blossoming.
Tapmad.com Founder, CEO Yassir Pasha, shares: “Becoming an entrepreneur, choosing to give up a secure job, is very much like becoming an artist or an author and that effectively means you have no right way to do something. You have no stability in terms of what you’ll achieve. You have to take criticism because you are passionate about it. Investors will always be skeptical about investing in your product because of the risks involved, but you have to trudge on.
Another successful entrepreneur, Naureen Hyat, Co-founder Tez Financial Services, decided that she had to step out of her comfort zone and do something to contribute to a larger cause. “Firstly, these financial institutions seem very prone to innovation but when the time comes to actually implement it, they withdraw. We discovered it when we went to pitch our solutions. Secondly, issues like registering a company with SECP and filing of taxes shackles a company from the beginning. Thirdly, young entrepreneurs are not taken seriously by a greater majority. You have to have a senior on board to be even heard.” Dealing with this independence and overcoming issues was made possible by the constant support of Naureen’s family and cofounder. “Our society is still not conditioned to allow women entrepreneurs to be free in how they take their decisions.”
Furquan Kidwai, founder Dawaai.pk, explained: “You need a team around you to execute your vision. Five years ago, youngsters would come up to us and say that their parents are not comfortable with their working here. The pressure was all for securing a multinational job. Nobody’s blaming anybody; of course, they had to make a living. That’s no longer the case.”
Is life worth living?
Do young people commit suicide because they are not close to their religion? How do we know that for sure?
“My son was more of a friend to me, very close to his friends and family, and was a popular person, and it still happened,” Mr Azfar Naqvi says of Emaad, who committed suicide last year. “He did not offer prayers regularly or fast during Ramazan. Was this the reason behind his death? Some people are very quick to judge. How do they know there weren’t other reasons bothering them? Like everything else happening around us, why do we jump to conclusions in these instances as well? It’s not fair!”
Telling a person “namaz parhlein, sab theek hojaega” (Everything will be fine if you pray) might not be ill-intentioned. Saying that “this act is anti-Islamic” while responding to the news of one of your students committing suicide in front of his university gate may deter others. But, sometimes, it does just the opposite and increases anxiety amongst those who may not be able to follow it. Hyper religiosity is a worrisome factor. Religion has to be in moderation. If it helps you pray five times a day, wonderful. If it’s causing overt guilt and more isolation, then it’s something to be concerned about.
What hope do we have in Pakistan?
Most suicides are preventable. When someone is having suicidal thoughts, we (including professionals) tend to miss these signs because we don’t know what to look out for. The general pattern is that they would go through these stages, from experiencing a sense of hopelessness to a sense of burden to a sense of profound isolation. Our first warning sign is any unusual change in behaviour in that person. We must reach out to them then and find out what’s going on.
For parents and guardians, it is incumbent to provide a safe space for the child to grow. Remember the time you held your baby for the first time in your hands with love and affection? When you hold them close, they feel safe, and children require that sort of an environment to become who they want to be. They should trust you enough to come to you with their problems instead of hiding them from you, to make mistakes without the fear of being judged, to learn that it’s ok to be different and to respect the choices others make.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
But seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
(The poem is by Khalil Gibran)
