The nikahnama is a document that comprises different rights and laws that apply to a marriage. You! takes a look...
The nikahnama is a document that comprises different rights and laws that apply to a marriage. You! takes a look...
“I want to read my nikahnama before I sign it!” Saima tells her parents two months before her marriage ceremony. She didn’t expect the reaction that her statement invoked. Her parents were shocked and for some reason quite hurt.
Things didn’t stop here, her statement seemed to reverberate through the close family ranks and everyone was talking about this.
Saima belongs to an educated family. Both her parents are quite ‘modern and liberal’ and have always supported her and her siblings in life, given them more space than her friends. It was probably this confidence given by her parents of allowing her to be able to think for herself that’s why she stuck to her guns.
She reasoned that her parents were so concerned when she was filling in documents when applying to a good college - they made her read the documents again and again so that she didn’t get anything wrong. So why were they so shocked when she was going to sign another important document for a relationship that was going to change her social status? Didn’t she have the right to know what rights she had and what was expected of her in her new role as wife and member of another family?
Sense prevailed and her parents realised that her demand was reasonable and her family talked to her fiance’s family and thankfully it was decided that the couple study the social contract before the nikah and see what they decided among themselves. Of course, the couple had to involve people with experience who could guide them through this.
Five years down the lane, Saima and her husband are still together. Nothing changed their feelings for each other. The only thing that changed was that now both of them were quite aware of their rights in the new roles and they consider this to be a blessing.
Saima recommends that couples should read the nikahnama, at least a day before the ceremony and ask for their rights. “We always hear people saying Islam has given so many rights but we try to deprive the woman from hers; we don’t even want her to know her rights. What is the use of them if the concerned people don’t know about them?” she adds.
Her husband thinks that people should stop being scared of giving their daughters their rights. He says, “Men should also be aware that their wives have been given rights by the religion and by law, and she can exercise these if she wants. If more people - especially girls - were aware of their rights, many social crimes could be controlled.”
“Men should also study the document,” he adds. He thinks that most men have no idea that the nikahnama is a social contract which is not a permit for them to rule over their wives. It is a document that gives both parties many rights and also allows one to explore their relationship. “Studying the nikahnama does not mean a marriage will end in divorce, it could also help save a marriage from disaster.”
Men like Ahmed would agree with this. He was divorced a few years after he married. During the divorce proceedings, Ahmed’s ex demanded things that were never part of their marriage. She talked about many promises that she claimed Ahmed had made to her but never fulfilled. Ahmed protested saying that she was not being truthful but no one could produce any evidence to either support or oppose her statement. And he ended meeting her demands, to his discomfort.
Ahmed was cheated by his wife but didn’t or couldn’t do anything. He thinks that couples need to have some kind of written document so that if the marriage ends, no one gets cheated like he was. And what better document than the nikahnama - which can safeguard the rights of both the people concerned.
Religious leaders, lawyers and the media need to spread awareness about religious and social rights and laws that people getting married have. This could also save a lot of bad unions and bad marriages from happening.
The nikahnama is a document that comprises different rights and laws that apply to a marriage and the two people concerned. More women, than men, are deprived of their rights in a marriage than we care to admit. There are many reasons for this: majority of men have more power socially than women and they are allowed to mostly do as they please. There have been many instances in Pakistan when the law enforcers have refused to interfere in a domestic dispute in which husbands beat their wives. Their reason is simple: it is a matter between husband and wife. A domestic issue that doesn’t concern them...
On the contrary, a domestic dispute is a matter of concern for the law and the police should take notice of crimes being committed against women and children in the name of domestic affairs.
Many women are vulnerable because they believe when they are told religion allows men to marry four times. And, many men also cite religion as giving them the right to have more than one wife. Majority of the people, especially men, believe that the religion has given an open field to do as they please. They seldom try to understand or study what the Holy Quran is actually saying about more than one marriage. But religion does not deprive women; in fact it gives many rights to safeguard women from being misused by their husbands and society.
The Holy Quran clearly gives women rights in marriage. According to Surat-ul-Nisa (Verse 4:3):
“And if you fear that you will not deal justly with the orphan girls, then marry those that please you of [other] women, two or three or four. But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one or those your right hand possesses. That is more suitable that you may not incline [to injustice].”
Most people seem to overlook the line, “But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one or those your right hand possesses.” The Surah stresses that injustice is not done to anyone, especially the women involved.
Naturally the Holy Book’s statement is based on human nature, explaining how it is not humanly possible to treat people equally. By marrying more than one woman it is clearly impossible for the common man to do justice to every relationship. This sentiment is also revisited in the ‘The Muslim Family Laws Ordinance 1961’ of Pakistan. This means that apart from studying the nikahnama, the couple also needs to study the various sections of the law under the Muslim Family law.
The marriage is not only the union of two people, but also concerns other lives like that of the children, their inheritance and rights. But until the parents are not clear about their rights, they will be unable to provide their children with it.
It is the duty of the religious leaders, media government, supported by NGOs, to spread awareness among the masses regarding pre- and post-marriage rights given to the couple based on religious text and law. This will help to strengthen marriages and protect the rights of women, making them less vulnerable to becoming victims of misunderstood laws. A social discussion needs to begin about the contents of the nikahnama, as it is one of the most misunderstood but important social document.
