Things to ponder

• I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
  
• Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days, no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
  
• All of us could take a lesson from the weather: It pays no attention to criticism.
  
• In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
  
• How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
  
• Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
  
• Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
  

Mommy Bear does it all by herself

It’s a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up.

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. “Who’s been eating my porridge?” he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty. “Who’s been eating my porridge?” he roars.

Mommy Bear points her finger through the door from the kitchen and yells, “How many times do we have to go through this? It was Mommy Bear who got up first. It was Mommy Bear who woke everybody else in the house up. It was Mommy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mommy Bear who went out in the cold early morning to fetch the newspaper. It was Mommy Bear who set the table. It was Mommy Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box and filled the cat’s water and food dish. And now that you’ve decided to come downstairs and grace me with your presence... listen good because I’m only going to say this one more time - I haven’t made the porridge yet!”

Compiled by Usama Rasheed