“She has self-inflicted wound marks. You should get her HIV status checked.”
COVER STORY
“She has self-inflicted wound marks. You should get her HIV status checked.”
I knew there was a 99.99% chance that he was right. I knew I should ask her attendants to bring an HIV screening kit. But I still frowned at the wound-dresser and thought to myself, “Yeah, because she dances for a living, she must have HIV.”
Negative results of HIV and Hepatitis B and C always make a doctor relieved. But, this HIV negative test result made me feel weirdly proud.
********
I was taking a nap in the doctor’s office. I was at ward duty for which I had to stay in the ward for seven days. It was a post-emergency day. Patients were rushing in from the emergency room. At 9:30 am, I was awakened by my colleague who told me a new patient was shifted to the ward. The patient was a transgender. I will call the patient Z. And I am going to use “her” for Z because I used to address her as a female and she did not seem to mind.
It was a weird scene. Many transgenders were gathered around the bed. The patient was in distress. I went to the bed, asked for a brief history, examined her and read the file. Z was in dire need of a painkiller. I went to the nurses’ counter to ask the nurse to administer Z a painkiller. The nurse completely ignored my request and expressed her pressing concern first, “Doctor, don’t you think the patient should be shifted to the female side? He might be a ‘he’, but you know, umm, by his chest ... people don’t look at him as a ‘he’.”
“Umm, say what now? It is a case of firearm injury. I want you to administer a painkiller stat. Who cares whether the patient is a ‘he’or ‘she’?”
“Nahi, doctor sahiba, khud sochein, acha tou nahi na lgta aese mardu k sath khusrey ko laita dia hai...” (No, doctor sahiba, just think; it isn’t right to put a transgender with male patients!)
*Poker face*
********
“Hey Z, do you want to move to the female side?”
“Umm, will there be a working fan or an air conditioner? If yes, then please.”
I go to the worker to ask him to shift her bed.
“Khuda ka khauf krein, dactor sahiba, zanana side pe khusrey ko kese ley jaen.” (Have some fear of God, doctor sahiba, how can we take a transgender in female ward!)
*Poker face*
********
“Who fired at you?”
“A friend.”
“Why would a friend fire at you, Z?”
“Bs doctor sahiba, larai ho gyi thi.”
(A fight broke out, doctor!)
********
“How is Z doing now?”
“Better. She will be fine in no time. The pellets did not damage any essential nerve or artery. So that is great.”
“What about this is great, doctor sahiba? I am her Guru. She is my kid. He shot my kid.”
“Sit here. Tell me what happened.”
“Doctor, we have a weird life; I am calling it life for the lack of a better word. A guy liked Z. He told her not to dance at other peoples’ functions anymore. He threatened her as well. She refused. What else could the poor thing do? If she doesn’t dance, how will she earn bread? That sick human will not pay for her forever, right? He will find a new toy soon. We were going to an event at night. He arrived with his gun-men and shot her in the thighs and legs, so she couldn’t dance anymore. At this point, I do not care about her dancing. I just want her to be okay.”
********
“I saw you speak sternly with that attendant. But why are you always so nice to me, doctor?”
“Because no one else is nice to you,” I think to myself.
********
I am in the Out-Patient Department. Z arrives for a follow-up examination.
“Hey Z! So good to see you. How are you doing?”
“My leg hurts. The pain is not getting better.”
I go to my senior doctor.
“Sir, which painkiller should I prescribe to Z?”
“Umm, better than a painkiller would be for her to resume her normal activities. Ask her to start mobilizing her leg. Tell her she needs to start dancing again. It will help her body heal itself better.”
“Hey Z, I do not mean to be insensitive. But you need to start using your leg. Start exercising. Start moving it like your previous normal routine.”
“You mean, like, dancing?”
“Yes!”
The hurt look in her eyes haunts me to this day.
********
I have wanted to share this anecdote for a long time now. I had this patient during my surgery ward internship. I do not think I need to say much. It was heart-wrenching to see that even in a place as “sacred” as a hospital, we do not see transgenders as humans. From workers to other patients, everyone stared at her like she was a Martian. I had to beg the workers to let her attendants (other transgenders) come in to see their patient. It was almost the end of the most emotionally and physically tiring ward week. And yet, I had to use the last drop of my energy to be extra nice to her. I was too exhausted to even smile at other patients kindly because all of my energy was being spent on making Z comfortable.
Is it too much to ask that they be given equal opportunities to live like normal human beings? We were all dealt a set of cards when we were born, without consent. How we were born was out of our hands. We did not get to select our families. Then, why are we judged, ridiculed and mistreated based on things we have no control over? Why did it have to take so much effort to make Z feel like a regular person? Why didn’t people consider her a normal human being who has feelings? Did she not have a heart? Did she not bleed the same red blood when she was fired at? Did she not feel the same pain in her legs?
I just wonder one thing. What motivates people like Z to live? Their will to live inspires me. When I reminisce about Z, I think of only this: “Daboya mujh ko hone’y ne’in, Naa hota me’in tou kiya hota.”
70% of transgender or gender non-conforming patients surveyed have experienced some type of discrimination in healthcare.
Source: Health Care Equality Index 2017
A ray of hope
Rani, a short film, won the Fox Inclusion Award at the Outfest Los Angeles Film Festival this year. Rani is a story of a Pakistani transgender, who sells toys in Karachi. Her decision to bring up an abandoned child unfolds some harsh realities she has to face as a transgender.7
The government institutions are also trying their best to give more space to trans people and have made great strides in tackling injustice they face in Pakistan. In General Elections 2018, transgender candidates fought election for the first time in the history of Pakistan. And recently, Chief Justice of Pakistan announced to hire two transgenders in Supreme Court and pledged to work diligently for their rights.
