Passive-aggressive email phrases that must end now

A poll has uncovered the most irksome phrases colleagues write in emails. But what do they actually mean?

“Not sure if you saw my last email”

Perhaps you were busy on a date, or having a nice time with your children or visiting your sick mother. Whatever it was, I am more important. Please work until you are dead.

“Per my last email”

I use the word “per” now, because I want my vaguely legal-sounding vocabulary to create fear deep in your heart.

“Per our conversation”

I am creating a paper trail, because this entire project is about to fall apart and I definitely want everyone to know that this whole mess is exclusively your fault, even though it is probably mine.

“Any updates on this?”

I am phrasing this as a question because screaming “I DEMAND IMMEDIATE UPDATES!” makes me look deranged.

“Sorry for the double email”

I am not sorry. I like sending double emails. They make me feel powerful. Tomorrow, I am going to send you a triple email, and I won’t be sorry about that, either.

“Reattaching for convenience”

I do not just want to clog up your inbox with unnecessary reminders, I want to clog up your inbox with documents you already own. Feel free to cry at your desk at the earliest convenience.

Which is better, rewards or punishments?

Many parents grew up with punishments, and it’s understandable that they rely on them. But punishments tend to escalate conflict and shut down learning. They elicit a fight or flight response, which means that sophisticated thinking in the frontal cortex goes dark and basic defense mechanisms kick in. Punishments make us either rebel, feel shamed or angry, repress our feelings, or figure out how not to get caught.

So rewards are the positive choice then, right?

Not so fast. Rewards are more like punishment’s sneaky twin. Families find them alluring, because rewards can control a child momentarily. But the effect can wear off, or even backfire.

Over decades, psychologists have suggested that rewards can decrease our natural motivation and enjoyment. Rewards have also been associated with lowering creativity.

The whole concept of punishments and rewards is based on negative assumptions about children - that they need to be controlled and shaped by us, and that they don’t have good intentions. But we can flip this around to see kids as capable, wired for empathy, cooperation, team spirit and hard work. That perspective changes how we talk to children in powerful ways.

Rewards and punishments are conditional, but our love and positive regard for our kids should be unconditional. In fact, when we lead with empathy and truly listen to our kids, they’re more likely to listen to us.

Compiled by Usama Rasheed