The unfortunate Kasur incident has shaken the society to its core. Isn’t it high time for parents to educate their children on sexual harassment? You! takes a look...
The unfortunate Kasur incident has shaken the society to its core. Isn’t it high time for parents to educate their children on sexual harassment? You! takes a look...
Most parents go to any length to provide for their children. They are naturally prone to protect their kids from the big bad world. Unfortunately sometimes, they fail to protect their little angles from the unseen evils around them.
Often times, culprits who prey on vulnerable children, are usually our own ‘loved’ ones - close and trusted relatives or even servants; drivers; teachers; religious teachers etc. Adults, especially parents and grandparents, tell their young ones, ‘don’t talk to strangers’, ‘don’t take anything from strangers’; but no one talks about people who aren’t strangers like certain over-friendly family members.
Different stats regarding child molestation and sexual harassment reveal that the number of criminals involved in crimes against children are usually people the child and the family knows (some studies say almost 90%) and a very small percentage (some claim about 10%) are strangers. But we still turn a blind eye to the molesters in our midst and tell our children to beware of strangers, without ever mentioning that there are some relatives that need to be avoided too. The indifference of parents towards molesters in the family empower them, telling the child that they are all alone and even their parents will not interfere. The predators usually threaten the child warning them if they tried to tell people, no one would believe them; ‘not even your parents, and just think of the shame you will bring on them’. The child is made to believe that the burden of the indecent lies on his/her shoulders. And, in their innocent minds they believe that they are being molested because of some fault of their own and not because the molester is an evil person.
The vulnerable, scared child finds himself/herself all alone to tackle the molester in any way possible. Parents don’t want to hear their pleas, and there seems to be no other way but to do the bidding of the criminal. The molestation continues until the victim outgrows the role and is replaced by another innocent victim - and the cycle keeps turning.
Parents and adults shy away from giving the most important lesson to the child on how to be safe from a molester in the name of tradition, religion and social stigma attached to sexual abuse. So, there is no talk on this most serious social crime that affects children.
Breaking the ice
Fortunately, sexual harassment, rape and murder are topics that are being discussed openly in Pakistan currently. The reason for this is the unfortunate incident of rape and murder of a minor yet again in Kasur and people realized that this is a serious problem which is not going away.
For some parents and other adults, the Kasur incident has been an eye-opener and parents are now consciously looking out for those criminals in their midst. This incident has made them realise that there are many dangers lurking around their children everywhere - even inside the house and family. This may be quite disconcerting for many, but the truth is that these are social crimes that have gone mostly unnoticed and ignored.
The unfortunate Kasur has shaken the society to its core but the good thing (if we can call it) is that at least two minors have spoken to their parents about sexual predators and these people have not only been identified but also apprehended.
Although the media still has a long way to go in sensitive reporting, but it has done its job by highlighting this social evil and generating debate on it which was never seen before.
Somehow children’s safety is not prioritised among many people in Pakistan, but hopefully this will change now if we can make parents realise that keeping quiet on social crimes is only harmful for the children.
Measures to be taken
Parents and other adults should realise that we must make concerted efforts to make this society safer for children. Some things that can be done include awareness of extraordinary strange behaviour of adults with children and measures to be taken in need. Maybe parents’ intervention will save the life of a child. But on a personal level, they should begin this by making their children feel safer at home. Parents, especially fathers need to make their children feel confident by supporting and looking out for them.
In our society, we need to support and stand by our children, especially daughters, and shouldn’t blame them for the crime committed against them, so that no criminal can scare them into submission. Daughters should be able to come to their parents no matter what and speak up, instead of falling deeper into the power of criminals. If the criminal tries to make her believe that it is her fault that the he/she is attracted to her because she dresses in a certain manner or does something in a certain way, this narrative needs to be erased. The problem is not with the way the girl or boy dresses; the problem lies in the warped mind of the criminal. Such criminals don’t need anything to provoke them otherwise young babies would not be victimised, raped and murdered. So, it is important that the children know that NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS; their parents will be there to support them even if they can’t find a solution. If a strong relationship between the parent and the child is made, the child is safer. We tell our children to be wary of strangers - and for good cause too - but it is high time that we warn them to stay away from certain people that are known for their inclination of preying on the young. And if necessary, serious steps should be taken to keep these people from even mingling socially with the young. Families should boycott the offender, making it clear to them that their criminal bent of mind is known and they should be shamed publicly.
Such messages spread awareness, especially on social media which is the most powerful platform to inform people and their children to be safe. Parent needs to act: first calm their child and reassure her/him that it is safe now. And then take control of the situation by confronting the perpetrator and warning them of dire consequences if they dare come near the child or any other child of the family.
The matter should not rest there; the family should sit the person down and discuss the matter. If necessary, the help of an expert should be taken and necessary therapies given to the perpetrator to not only help the individual but to resolve this serious problem.
The scary thing is that the numbers of children being molested, raped and murdered are only those cases that are being reported or picked by the media. There are hundreds, probably thousands, of cases that occur without anyone ever finding out. So, this is where other adults need to step up to improve the society and help protect children from being mangled and thrown away like garbage as happened in Kasur.
