“Just get a grip!” I told my reflection in the mirror. Mascara smudges start to form as tears start to roll down my face. “You can’t lose it right now;
STORY
“Just get a grip!” I told my reflection in the mirror. Mascara smudges start to form as tears start to roll down my face. “You can’t lose it right now; you have been strong all the weekend long, just a few hours more.” As I try to find the last remains of strength within me, my mind wanders off to all the fairytales that I came across in my childhood. I could not help but resent every happy ending I ever read in books, and every happy ending I saw in real life. I didn’t like the person I was becoming. Life had treated me badly while giving happiness to everyone else! I couldn’t feel anything but helplessness, which was turning into resentment and hate.
“All right, the way I see it, I can either let people have the power to gloat over my life in the garb of sympathy,” I looked at myself in the mirror as I tried to gather myself, “or I can freshen up my makeup, feel confident and get back among the relatives at the wedding ceremony, astonishing people with my strength and proving that nothing can take me down.” It seemed that my pride was greater than my pain, so I chose the latter.
I remember my wedding day vividly; it was supposedly the best day of my life. Every detail of that day is still fresh in my mind. It was like reading a page from a book of fairytales. I found myself in a princess gown and down the aisle stood my prince charming, waiting for me. As we exchanged the vows and my name got attached to his, I looked up into his eyes and saw a life full of smiles. It couldn’t get any better than this, I was sure of it. It seems funny now how those eyes made me believe in happy endings; after all, it was those same eyes that made me fall out of that belief.
Now that I look back, I was so sure that the happiest chapter of my life had finally begun, but it seemed that destiny had some other plans for me that I was still unaware of. All I do now is laugh at how naive and foolish I was. Back then, I never thought I would come to regret the happiest day of my life.
Coming back to the present, I found myself back to the wedding ceremony of my cousin. I could feel the gazes of all my relatives as I walked past them. I used all my strength to drag myself back into the wedding chapel with an almost dead smile glued to my face. As I passed the guests, I could hear them murmuring and judging me.
Their life is just so pathetic that they can’t help but gossip about others’ life, I thought to myself, trying to keep my nerves calm.
“There you are! We got worried. Are you all right? Do you want to go home?” one of my friends asked.
“Not yet. Yes, I’m all right. I just went over to fix my makeup,” I smiled back.
“Okay, I’m glad you are back, the wedding ceremony is about to start,” she said to me as I sat beside her.
The lights dimmed off, slow music was being played in the background and spotlight followed the bride as she started walking down the aisle. The bride looked stunning; her face was glowing with contentment. She reached the end of the aisle where her groom stood, signaling a new life.
I was filled with all sorts of emotions and I couldn’t help but see my wedding day in flashbacks. I was so happy for the new couple, but deep inside I felt uneasy.
As the bride and groom started to exchange their vows, I realized these wedding vows are nothing more than hollow promises. My mind kept taking me to a month which was, is and always will be the worst time of my life.
Right after I got married, I saw a sudden change in the attitude of my husband. But I was in his trance, quite unable to see the full picture until later. I couldn’t believe the person who I considered as my soul mate had been exploiting me. He left me with nothing but sorrow, depression and emptiness.
It was not until I was completely broke that I realized I was never a wife to him; I was a money bank, there to finance his every need. In return, all I ever got was criticism on how I looked, how I dressed. He forced me to cut off my ties with my friends and family, but did not stop spending time with his friends and family, leaving me isolated. In a way, I was his punching bag, there for his every tantrum, every emotional breakdown, but the moment he would feel a little better he would forget I ever existed. The worst part of it is that I let him torment me, just in the name of love, trying to fulfil my wedding vows. Throughout this time, I was a victim of depression. Every time I got admitted to the hospital, it was my family and friends who took care of me; he never showed up.
For ten months, I had been tolerating everything. But after learning all about his affairs, I was shattered; I wondered why I had been so blind. I realized it wasn’t supposed to be so hard and painful to live with the person you love. I looked into his eyes once again; they looked empty and hollow! “Happy ending” was just an illusion and this brought me to the biggest crossroads of my life. I had to make a decision.
Everybody clapped as the bride and the groom cut their wedding cake, laughter, joy and music was in the air. I tried to keep myself back in the present as I tried to be part of the wedding.
While checking the time on my phone, I thought to myself: just stay calm, have dinner, quickly leave the gathering so that you don’t bump into chirpy relatives.
“Oh no!’ I cried to myself as I saw from the corner of my eyes some of my relatives walking towards me. I braced myself for the worst because my marriage break-up was the hottest topic among my relatives. They attempted to sympathize, but they couldn’t hide the joy in their eyes. From a distance, I could hear them laugh over my misery.
But this time I didn’t let them laugh. I held my head high, and got ready to tell them I was the happiest person, as my experiences had made me stronger and wiser.
“Hey, how is everything?” one of my uncles asked. “We heard about the tragedy. I’m so sorry; your life must be a mess!”
“How do you face the world? It must be so difficult,” my aunt smirked.
“Actually, uncle, life has never been so good. I am so proud of myself!” I smiled at him.
“Thank you for having me over. Now if you will excuse me, I must leave,” I started walking, ‘Oh, by the way, my dear uncle and aunt, I hope you guys find a new source of comfort now!’ I smiled at them as I saw their smirks turn into misery.
That expression! That was it; that was the reason I had come to the wedding.
Mission accomplished! So what if my destiny didn’t have my happy ending written yet. It just means that I have the chance to write it myself. I’ll be the hero of my story, I resolves as I sighed deeply and smiled to myself. I just won’t go down without a fight; I promised myself and walked out of the wedding chapel.
