BREAK

Little Johnny lies again

Little Johnny is constantly late for school and what’s worse is that he always has a big lie explaining why. The teacher tells the principal that she has had it with his exaggerations. The principal tells her to send Johnny to him the next time he shows up late. He will tell Johnny a lie so big that he will never tell another one. The next day Johnny shows up two hours late. Johnny says, “I was two hours early today so I had time to fish in the pond on my way to school. I caught a 17-pound trout and had to take it home. If I didn’t clean it and freeze it, my mom would be angry. That’s why I’m so late.”

The teacher promptly takes Johnny to the principal’s office and explains the story to him. The principal tells him about his own trip to school that day. He says, “I was walking to school through the park on the trail today when I heard something behind me. I turned around and was shocked to see a giant grizzly bear. He was 24-feet tall and had 6-inch fangs. He was going to eat me, Johnny! Just then a little dog ran out from the bushes, jumped up and attacked the bear. The little dog killed the bear and then ate it right there in front of me. What do you think of that, Johnny?”

Johnny replies, “Oh yeah, that’s my dog Sparky. That’s his third bear this week.”

School vs College

• In school, you do homework. In college, you study.
• In school, you’re told what classes to take. In college, you get to choose; that is as long as the classes don’t conflict and you have the prerequisites and the classes aren’t closed and you’ve paid your tuition.
• In school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your way out of it. In college, you’re lucky to ever talk to the professor.
• In college, any test consists of a larger percentage of your grade than your school final exams ever did.
• In college, it’s much more difficult to figure out the course schedule of the man/woman you have a crush on, in order to figure out where he/she will be walking around the campus and what time to find them there.
• In college, when you miss a class (or two or three), you don’t need a note from your parents saying you were sick that day.
• In school, you can’t go out to lunch because it’s not allowed. In college, you can’t go out to lunch because you can’t afford it.

That’s horrible

One day a boy came home crying. His mother asked, “What happened to you?”

The boy replied, “I got punished for something I did not do.” His mother said, “That’s horrible! What did you not do?”

The boy, with tears in his eyes, said, “My homework.”