A man was mowing grass in his front yard when his attractive neighbour came out of her house and went straight to the mailbox.
You’ve got mail
A man was mowing grass in his front yard when his attractive neighbour came out of her house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later, she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, she went back in. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “My stupid computer keeps saying you’ve got mail!”
I’m drowning
Twenty feet below sea level, a diver notices another guy at the same depth with no scuba gear. The diver goes down another 10 feet, and the guy joins him a minute later. The diver goes below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joins him. The diver takes out a waterproof pad and pencil and writes, “How are you able to stay this deep without equipment?”
The guy takes the pencil and pad and writes, “I’m drowning, you idiot!”
Brilliant idea
The phone rings at the FBI headquarters. “Hello? I’m calling to report my neighbour, Clifford. He is hiding drugs inside his firewood.”
“Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day the FBI agents descend on the neighbour’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no drugs. They swear at the neighbour and leave.
The phone rings at the neighbour’s house. “Hey, Clifford, did the FBI come?” “Yep.”
“Did they chop your firewood?” “Yep.”
“Great, now it’s your turn to call. I need my garden plowed.”
