COMIC RELIEF

• Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix): Me: [putting on socks]

My Apple Watch: Would you like to record this workout?

• Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux): I hate it when people threaten to come over. Now I’ve got to do 2 years of housework in 30 minutes.
• Natalie Would (@_NatalieWould): Folding laundry is like packing to stay home.
• Nayele18 (@nayele18maybe): Can’t decide if I’d rather go to work tomorrow or fake my own death.
• L (@Ann_Hedonia1): I always make sure to take a little time out of each and every day to feel mild to moderately bad about myself.
• Tanya (@Tanya_Sabrinaaa): It's crazy how the cure for depression is money.
• Gale (@poisonjr): People who are funny had to be.
• Reese (@Reeseforsure): If you look close enough everyone is insane.

Laugh Lines

The armadillo

A lawyer was driving along the highway when an armadillo suddenly ran in front of his car. The driver hit the brakes, and, in a panic, picked up the armadillo and tossed it in the trunk before continuing on his way. A short while later, he got pulled over at a checkpoint. The officer asked for his license and registration, and, hearing scratching sounds coming from the trunk, then told him to step out of the car and open the trunk. When the trunk popped open, the officer spotted the armadillo.

“Are you out of your mind?” the cop exclaimed. “This is a wild animal! You could go to jail for this. If I call the wildlife authorities, you're in big trouble.”

“No, no, officer,” the lawyer responded. “That armadillo is my pet. I’ve raised him since he was just a baby. He's trained, too. If you let him go, I can whistle twice, and he'll come right back to me.”

Doubtful, the officer said, “Yeah, right. I don't buy it.”

“Go ahead and let him go, and you’ll see,” the lawyer replied.

So, the officer picked up the armadillo and released it into the woods. The armadillo bolted, disappearing into the trees. The officer turned back to the lawyer and said, “Alright, call the armadillo back.”

“What armadillo?” the lawyer asked.

POINTS TO PONDER

“Want to know what God thinks of money? Look at the people he gave it to.” – Dorothy Parker