Neil Renic (@NC_Renic): You want me to attend a work meeting? The thing that killed Julius Caesar?
A lawyer and an engineer meet while staying at a hotel.
The lawyer says, "I'm here because my house burned down. All my possessions were destroyed in the fire, but the insurance company has paid for everything."
The engineer replies, "I'm here because my house and everything I own was destroyed in a flood, and the insurance has paid for everything."
The lawyer pauses for a second, confused, then says, "How do you start a flood?"
Two businessmen meet on the street.
One says to the other, "My friend, you have my sympathies for your shop burning down yesterday."
The other hurriedly shushes him and says, "Not yesterday, you fool, tomorrow."
“If you're gonna to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.” – Marilyn Monroe